


50 Shades of Gay

by tuneinmymind



Series: 50 Shades series [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-08
Updated: 2013-01-08
Packaged: 2017-11-24 05:33:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 28,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/630983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tuneinmymind/pseuds/tuneinmymind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: Niall Horan is straight and he always has been, and as he enters his final year of university, he is left scrambling to find a new roommate. Enter Zayn Malik, resident bad boy without a straight bone in his body, except perhaps his dick and middle finger. Ziall with a side of Larry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

The first time Niall saw Zayn was outside of a club. Zayn was leaning against a wall, one foot kicked back, knee bent, the other straight, as he smoked a cigarette, a boy on his side, and a leather jacket hugging his shoulders tightly.

So cliché, really.

The raven-haired ‘bad-boy’ had met Niall’s gaze, threw down his fag and grinded it into the pavement with his boot, smirked, and then, pulled the boy beside him into a sloppy, provocative kiss, all the while, keeping eye contact with Niall, dark eyes sparkling.

Niall looked away.

*

The second time Niall saw Zayn was outside the apartment complex he was supposed to be living in that year with his best mate, Sean.

Sean had just informed Niall that he was studying abroad for the semester. A little too late seeing how they had rented the apartment together the month before and finding a roommate right as the semester was starting would be really fucking difficult.

Niall had gone outside to punch the wall, seething with anger and forgetting that the brick wasn’t so forgiving.

Zayn had laughed and asked Niall what his problem was.

Niall walked away.

*

The third time Niall saw Zayn was inside his apartment, when he was helping the raven-haired bloke move his stuff into the two-bed room flat.

Sean had moved out a week previous and Zayn was the only one who responded to his flyers for a new roommate for the semester, and well, Niall definitely wasn’t going to be able to pay the rent by himself, so he had no choice but to say yes.

Niall tried to look past Zayn’s smoking and partying, and especially past the fact that Zayn was very blatantly into blokes, and pretended that he was just another guy, another roommate, another _mate_.

Zayn blinked his long eyelashes and Niall pretended not to notice how nice of a jawline the lad had.

Niall blurted out that he was straight.

***

“I’m straight.”

Zayn paused, looking up from the box in his arms, which seemed to be overflowing with every imaginable thing from socks to condoms to an apple.

He laughed, continuing to walk once more, heaving the box to the room on the left of the apartment.

“Good for you mate.”

And that was all they spoke of on the matter.

Niall felt relieved, having told Zayn, and was able to follow the lad’s retreating steps, lugging a suitcase behind him.

“Jesus, how much did you pack?” Niall heaved, inhaling sharply as he surveyed the small room, which was now packed with boxes upon boxes of clothes and other junk.

Zayn shrugged, following Niall’s eyes and looking around the room as well.

“Enough,” he replied simply with a nod of his head. He fumbled around in his pocket for a moment before tugging a small black box out. “You want a smoke?”

Niall stared at Zayn’s outstretched hand, appalled.

“No,” he said sharply. “And that’s the first rule. No smoking in the apartment, I don’t want the flat to smell like that shit.”

Niall liked to think of himself as a happy person generally, but he was unable to keep an angry scowl off of his face as Zayn pushed by him, knocking their shoulders together as he grumbled, “Fine, fine, _mother_.”

Niall sighed; it was going to be a long final year if this is only the first week.

Classes hadn’t even started yet.

~O~

“Niall! Niall! Wait up!”

Niall halted in his tracks, turkey flying from the sandwich he held up to his mouth as he turned to look for the voice calling his name. Soon enough, he spotted the source in the form of a relatively well-built, all-American looking male decked out in navy basketball shorts, a tank top, and white vans with tall, black Nike socks riding to his ankles.

“Liam! Nice to see you buddy,” Niall said with a smile, sandwich almost forgotten as he greeted his long time best friend. He had met Liam during freshman year orientation- they were in the same group- and the two had been friends ever since, Niall’s second longest friend other than Sean.

“Hey Nialler,” Liam threw an arm over his shoulder, bumping his hand and Niall clutched his sandwich a little tighter, not wanting to lose the food. The two began walking together, they had senior seminar together (how they managed to get in the same class, neither knew), and Liam began to fill him in on his life.

“-so yeah, Danielle and I decided to get an apartment together, I mean we’ve been together this long,” Liam concluded, and Niall nodded, glad to hear that his friend was happy and still with his long-time girlfriend, Danielle. “How are you and Sean faring? You’re alive, which is good, right?”

Niall blanched at Liam’s comment, sending a silent ‘fuck you’ to Sean for not telling any of their friends that he was studying abroad in Ireland, not that he himself even knew until a week or so ago. How Sean managed to even make it happen was beyond Niall’s brain capacity.

“He’s in Ireland for the semester,” Niall coughed, watching the surprise flit across Liam’s face before confusion took its place.

“He’s in…Ireland?” Liam asked, and if Niall wasn’t still a little frustrated with Sean, as well as the situation he had been forced into, he might have found Liam’s facial expression a little funny- it wasn’t every day that the boy was confused or even shocked by anything.

“Yes sir, Sean is in Ireland,” Niall sighed heavily, his voice a little clipped and most definitely tired sounding. They had reached the lecture hall and chose seats near the back of the large room.

“Wait,” Liam paused, eyes digging holes into the side of Niall’s face, “then, who are you rooming with? I mean, you can’t possibly be paying for that apartment all by yourself?”

Niall had to laugh at this, the entire situation creeping up on him and causing him to be a little bit delirious. Maybe he should have gotten _two_ sandwiches.

“I-uhm- I’ve found someone,” he muttered.

“Who?” Liam asked, and he looked a little worried in that Liam way, all wide-eyed and concerned, his eyebrows a little furrowed and lips in a tight line.

Niall didn’t get to answer though, because his personal space was being invaded.

“Look at who I found! Hiya Nialler,” a loud voice said, the familiar smell of cigarettes and expensive cologne invading his olfactory senses as his new roommate slid into the empty seat next to him. “Fancy that, we have the same senior seminar together.”

Liam looked at Niall, bewildered and a little curious as Zayn reached over to snatch Niall’s coke from where it sat in front of the blonde, taking a large gulp of it before turning his dark brown eyes on Liam.

“This is my new roommate, uh-“

“Zayn Malik, nice to meet ya mate,” Zayn reached over, pushing Niall in the chest so that he fell back into his seat. Liam took the offered hand and grasped it in a tentative handshake, all the while staring at Niall with a look that screamed ‘what have you gotten yourself into?’

Niall just shoved Zayn back into his own seat, snatching his coke back with a loud sigh and trying to calm himself down by looking at the jean clad bum of the girl standing two rows in front of him.

However, not even a fit girl could take his mind off of his new, loud, obnoxious, _attractive_ roommate sitting to his right, and that was a little worrying.

Well, not worrying. Not at all because he was straight and he was sure of that.

So what if he thought Zayn was attractive.

Just because he was straight didn’t mean he couldn’t be aware of a male who was attractive and Zayn was a very pretty boy.

No, the most worrying part was that said pretty boy was pulling out a brownie, and the chocolatey, gooey treat absolutely reeked of weed.

~O~


	2. Chapter 1

“Is that my shirt?” Niall exclaimed, looking at Zayn, who was blatantly showing off the grey t-shirt as if it were his own.

Zayn shrugged, “Yeah.”

It took a lot for Niall not to punch Zayn in the face or to smack that stupid smirk off of it, and if Niall was feeling a little less lackadaisical he probably would have. However, he was tired and hungry- a bad combination- and had an essay to write, so he definitely wasn’t about to exert extra energy on punching Zayn in the face. Plus, he didn’t want to get blood on _his_ shirt.

“Take it off,” Niall barked, stalking to the fridge to find some food. He sighed when he found it bare- damn Zayn for eating all the food- and picked up his phone to order pizza.

He was in the middle of ordering a large pepperoni pizza when Zayn decided to follow Niall’s order, taking off the shirt with an added flourish and chucking it at Niall’s head before turning back to the television to continue his game of FIFA.

“It’s your turn to go grocery shopping,” Niall announced to Zayn’s back once he hung up the phone. The pattern lately had been Niall shopping and Zayn eating all of the food, and Niall was sick of it. “Either that or don’t eat all of my food.”

“Okay, Princess,” was Zayn’s only reply.

It had been like this for the entire month, Niall getting angry because of Zayn, and Zayn simply not giving two shits. To say that Zayn was a horrible roommate would have been the understatement of the year.

Niall really just wanted the semester to be over so that Sean would be back from Ireland.

It was even worse now that they were in the middle of midterms because Niall was really worried about his tests, and per usual, Zayn just didn’t seem to care, or study, or do anything other than party, eat, sleep, and play video games. If he were to think deeply about it, Niall had never seen Zayn pull out a textbook, much less study from one. He wasn’t even sure if Zayn went to class, well, other than senior seminar.

Zayn never failed to show up to senior seminar, which was torture in itself, especially because the dark-skinned lad had taken to sitting next to Niall and Liam every day.

The asshole.

Niall was about at his wits end, and Zayn continued to push his boundaries every chance he could.

Like right now, as Niall sat eating the pizza _he_ ordered (it had arrived somewhere in the middle of his angry rant to himself), typing away at his laptop in an attempt to finish this dumb paper, and Zayn, of course, couldn’t let a chance to bug him slip away.

“That’s mine,” Niall spoke harshly, swatting Zayn’s hand away as it reached for a piece of pizza. Zayn didn’t seem to be affected as he reached with his other hand to grab a slice, and Niall huffed in annoyance. “If you want some you have to pay me for it.”

Yeah, Niall was being an asshole, too, but honestly, Zayn ate his food, wore his clothes, used all of his shampoo, conditioner, _and_ shaving gel, and “borrowed” god knows what else. So, he figured he had the right to be a bit of twat. Not to mention the fact that Zayn stayed out at all hours of the night and wasn’t particularly quiet about coming back to the apartment, banging around the kitchen and bathroom and waking Niall up.

“Aww, c’mon Nialler! Just one piece?” Zayn pouted, hiding a smirk behind his jutting lower lip, but his eyes said it all, the mischief and enjoyment he got from being an obnoxious tosser.

“No.”

Niall closed the pizza box, pulling it a little closer to him, and went back to typing. He had one more page of his essay, and if he was lucky he’d be able to finish it within the next hour, which meant he would only have to proof read it the next day.

“Please?” Zayn begged again, plopping in the chair next to him and scooting it extra close, so close that Niall felt as if his privacy bubble was being invaded, something that seemed to give Zayn extra amounts of pleasure.

“NO.”

His emphatic response seemed to deter Zayn for a minute or so, but then, the dark-haired boy seemed to decide on a different tactic as he began massaging the back of Niall’s neck, one hand right under his hair line and the other in his hair. Niall let him for a while because his muscles were feeling a little tight and Zayn was quite good at giving massages so who was he to stop it. This had happened a couple times, particularly when Zayn wanted to get something from the blonde boy, and yeah, Niall kind of turned to mush whenever Zayn gave him a massage, but this time he was just going to enjoy the massage and then stand his ground.

“That feel good?” Zayn asked softly, his fingers still pressing in a way that hit all of the sore spots and made them go away.

Niall just moaned in response.

Shit.

He wasn’t supposed to be moaning at this.

It was hard though and he decided to blame it on the stress of school and on the fact that his professors were extra harsh with the workload this year, or maybe it was just being a senior. Regardless, in his mind he hadn’t moaned.

It just hadn’t happened.

“Can I have a piece of your pizza, Nialler?” Zayn asked, and Niall almost agreed because the other boy was still massaging his neck and one hand had moved to his shoulders and it felt really good.

But he stuck with his resolve.

“No.”

And immediately, Zayn’s hands retracted, leaving Niall’s back all tingly and dancing with the patterns of his fingers, and Zayn stood up, shoving his chair back under the table loudly.

“Fine, be an ass,” he muttered, walking over to the couch and picking up his jacket from where it lay over the cushions. He slipped his shoes on and slid his jacket over his thin frame before moving to leave out the door, yelling over his shoulder, “I’m going out.”

Yeah, just a typical day living with Zayn Malik.

Niall felt only a little guilty for not sharing his food, but shit, he was fucking hungry and Zayn was a guilt-tripping tosser.

~O~

“-and then, after waking me up, asking me to make food, and calling _me_ a dick, he goes and has sex with the guy, _loudly_ ,” Niall complained, head down on the table. Liam looked on sympathetically, but Niall could tell without looking that he was trying not to laugh.

“You look like shit, mate,” Liam spoke up finally, patting the blonde boy on the shoulder in an attempt at being fatherly or something.

It didn’t help.

“I got maybe two hours of sleep,” Niall groaned, rubbing at his temples, which were pounding like no other, and he really just needed an advil, a bed, and a new fucking roommate.

Thankfully, though, Zayn had waited until his midterms were finished to be a _complete_ twat, and if he hadn’t, well, Niall probably would have done something to the dark-skinned boy that he would have regretted immensely…or maybe not (like kill the other boy in his sleep).

The night before, Zayn had completely ruined any chance at sleep for Niall, and if the loud snores coming from his room were any indicator (Niall had gotten up a six to go over to Liam’s), Zayn had fucked himself- and his fuck buddy- right into a deep slumber.

When Niall arrived at Liam’s, the other boy was already up and apparently on his way to the gym (who goes to the gym at six thirty in the morning?), so Niall tagged along, spotting Liam here and there with the weights, and basically grunting noncommittally whenever Liam spoke.

Two hours later, he found himself in the cafeteria, eating, sort of, which was probably one of the major indicators that he hadn’t slept much because when did he _ever_ pass up food, and complaining to Liam about his roommate problems.

“You know, Nialler, for how much you say you hate the guy, you sure do talk about him a lot,” Liam commented, spearing a piece of cantaloupe and pushing it into his mouth delicately. At this comment, Niall lifted his head up to stare at his best friend, jaw slack in indignation.

“Cause he’s a _prick_!” Niall cried, throwing his hands up in the air melodramatically, and yeah, he was being a bit over the top, but jesus, how could Liam even allude to him feeling anything other than pure _hatred_ for his roommate.

“Who’s a prick?”

Both Niall and Liam turned at the cheery voice, only to find Louis standing at the end of their table, a plate and Harry in hand. Louis and Harry were two of their goods friends, and Niall wouldn’t say _best_ friends because, well, if you were ever with them it would make sense. Harry and Louis were joined at the hip, always together, and always disgustingly cute and sappy, that is, if they weren’t trying to tear each others clothes off.

“His roommate,” Liam answered, seeing how Niall had gone back to pouting and sort of poking at whatever egg thing was on the plate in front of him. Louis and Harry slid into a seat, and yes, only one seat, with Harry sitting on Louis’ lap, and Niall really didn’t understand how they ever ate like that, but they did this at every meal so no one really even blinked at the sight.

“You know, Ni, your hatred for Zayn could just be a cover up for some other feelings,” Louis commented, giggling as Harry used his fork as an airplane, swooping a piece of sausage into his opened mouth.

“Yeah, there’s a fine line between hate and lust,” Harry added, leaning in to kiss a dribble of syrup from the corner of Louis’ mouth, and Niall just sat there wondering if his friends were sane, seriously, who put syrup on sausages?

“I hate you all,” Niall announced loudly as he dropped his head back on the table, which certainly didn’t help his head ache in the slightest. “And Haz, isn’t the saying that there’s a fine line between love and lust?”

Harry didn’t seem to hear him though because he was close to full out snogging Louis by this point, so Niall turned back to Liam, giving him the best ‘god help me’ eyes he could, but Liam just laughed, turning back to the text book he had in front of him.

“I need new friends,” Niall groaned.

~O~


	3. Chapter 2

“Shit! Fuck. Oh my god!” Niall cried out, covering his eyes with his textbooks and stumbling through the apartment in the direction of his room because he really didn’t need to see _that_ , but he could still hear and that was bad enough.

“Thanks Nialler,” he heard Zayn call out around the moans and groans of whomever he had over this time, and if the shaking of the couch was any indicator, the other boy hadn’t stopped the movement of his hips from bucking up into the random bloke whom he was fucking.

Disgusting, really, Niall thought as he locked his bedroom door, setting his books down on his desk. He turned his stereo on as loud as it would go, and grew even angrier when he realized that the music didn’t do anything to cover up the shouts of ‘harder’ and ‘faster, Zayn’ that were coming from the living room.

Ever since that one night after midterms when Zayn had woke Niall up- and kept him up- by fucking a guy, Zayn had continued to thrust the blonde in similar situations. It was always a different bloke, occasionally a bird, but more often than not a bloke, and it saddened Niall to say that he was becoming accustomed to finding Zayn in some precarious sex position upon arriving home.

Zayn loved pushing Niall’s buttons, often doing anything he could to make the pale boy blush, and it had gotten so bad that Niall didn’t bring any of his friends over without making sure Zayn was out, especially after this one time with Liam when they caught Zayn and well, to keep the story short, Liam was scarred for life and was beginning to understand why Niall hated his roommate so much.

Today, of course, was no different, and as Niall continued to hear shouts and moans and groans he decided that it was high time he invested in some damn ear plugs because man, this one was a fucking _shouter_.

[To: Liam Payne 4:58 PM]

**I’m going to kill myself. Or Zayn. Or both.**

Immediately after he sent the text, the apartment suddenly went quiet, other than the music he had playing in his room, and Niall sighed in relief, glad that Zayn had finally finished his little…sexcapade for the day.

He collapsed on his bed, digging his head under his pillow, extremely glad that the noises had stopped.

[From: Liam Payne 5:02 PM]

**Another 1??**

Niall laughed because every time he told Liam about Zayn’s conquests his best friend seemed shocked, and yeah, Niall was a little surprised- but more disgusted- with Zayn’s slutty ways, while Liam was more appalled.

Louis had asked one day how Zayn managed to do it, seeming a little in awe of Zayn and the amount of guys he reeled in, to which Niall just smacked him over the head.

He didn’t get why _anyone_ would sleep with Zayn.

Sure, the bloke was _pretty_ , shit, he was more than just pretty, he was _beautiful_ , in that dark, mysterious, handsome way, but seriously, how anyone could stand staying in his presence for more than five minutes was beyond him.

Just as Niall was about to type a message back to Liam he heard it, and holy fucking Christ, was his life even _real?_

[To: Liam Payne 5:07 PM]

**They’re going for round two.**

Niall thought about leaving and just going over to Liam’s place, which was only a five minute walk away, but then he remembered that to get to Liam’s he’d have to go through the living room, and to go through the living room meant passing by Zayn and his current conquest.

“Great,” Niall muttered, squeezing his eyes closed in annoyance.

He was _stuck_.

Not only was he stuck, but this time, the bloke decided that shouting wasn’t enough, and had resorted to _screaming_ , so Niall’s ears were being bombarded with shouts of ‘Fuck yes’ and ‘Right there, right there’, along with the occasional grunt or ‘You like that, slut?’ from Zayn.

He wanted to take a nap, but honestly, the sounds and screams from the living room were loud enough to keep him awake, which was slightly disconcerting because should the other bloke be screaming _that_ loudly?

[From: Louis Tomlinson 5:14 PM]

**Poor baby Nialler, stuck listening to his roommate get some while he’s all alone with only his hand.**

Niall huffed when he read Louis’ text because not only was it so completely true, but it had also been a good week or so since he had gotten a good wank in, and well, it was starting to catch up on him.

[From: Harry Styles 5:15 PM]

**I told Lou he was being mean and that I wouldn’t suck him off tonight. So you’re welcome. If you need it though, I’ll suck you off.**

Niall wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry at Harry’s text message, so he resorted to just throwing his phone on to the floor softly. He knew that Harry was probably being serious- about both not sucking off Louis that night, as well as offering to suck him off- and the combination of that thought and the sounds coming from the living room was enough to cause him to sport a semi.

He passed it off as him just feeling desperate because he was perfectly straight and never questioned that before, and just adjusted his shorts a little, the friction causing him to harden a little more, before falling into a restless sleep.

***

When he awoke a few hours later it was to a loud pounding on his door. He was a little disgruntled at first, but then, became aware of three things: 1) it was Zayn knocking on his door and shouting at him to ‘wake the fuck up’, 2) he was starving, like gut-aching, painfully hungry, and 3) he was hard as a rock, and no not his abs, he didn’t work out, ever.

“Shit,” Niall murmured, palming himself a little, and _god_ , that felt good. Zayn, however, hadn’t quit his relentless pounding, and the noise was a little obnoxious and not providing a prime condition for him to tug one out. So, he had two options: 1) ignore Zayn until he gave up, if he ever gave up, the lad was damn stubborn, or 2) attempt to hide his raging hard on and make a run for a very cold shower.

Option one wasn’t looking too bright as Zayn continued to shout and pound against his door, but Niall really didn’t want to deal with the endless teasing he would get if Zayn saw his boner, which was kind of inevitable if he opened the door.

So, he decided he only had one option left: to man up and try to hide his dick by slipping it up the elastic of his boxers, which would be difficult cause shit was it _hard_.

But Zayn being Zayn, took away this options when he stopped knocking and resorted to picking the lock to Niall’s room, swinging the door open with a loud bang before Niall could even move.

“Shit!” Niall exclaimed, and Zayn, for once, seemed shocked as he took in Niall’s appearance, his gaze falling on the very apparent erection that was straining under Niall’s shorts. Niall squirmed uncomfortably, especially when Zayn failed to move his eyes and instead let a smirk spread across his lips.

“Shit is right, Nialler,” Zayn replied, licking his lips, and seriously? The lad had just fucked a guy god knows how many times and he was now looking at Niall as if he wanted to like _eat_ him or something. “You’re a big boy, huh?”

Niall blushed at that comment because, well, he wasn’t exactly _small_ by any means or standards, and Zayn obviously could see this, and he really needed to get out of this situation because his dick had grown infinitely harder in the past few seconds or minutes or however long it had been and he was starting to get that major ache in his balls (aka blue balls) and he really didn’t need Zayn staring at him like this.

“I’m going to take a shower,” Niall mumbled, shoving past Zayn and trying to make his way to the shower. The other boy didn’t seem concerned and confident as ever, was able to snatch up Niall’s wrist, stopping him from even making it through the doorway.

“You need some help with that?” Zayn asked suggestively with a wiggle of his eyebrows and he _did not_ just press his palm into Niall’s crotch, holy fuck. Niall yanked his arm away as if he had been burned, his blush seeping down his neck until it reached the top of his chest.

“No,” Niall retorted sharply, shoving Zayn’s hand off his dick and turning around, almost falling over as he attempted to get the hell away from his roommate as fast as possible. He practically sprinted to the bathroom, throwing himself in the shower without even grabbing a towel or waiting for the water to heat up.

The cold water, however, did nothing to soothe his throbbing cock, and soon enough, he found himself turning up the heat and sliding his hand down to pull and tug himself.

A few minutes later he found his lower stomach building in that sharp, ecstatic way it did when he was close, and he closed his eyes, moving his hand a little faster, imagining that it was someone else holding him. He realized too late that he had been imagining Zayn jacking him off, but there was nothing he could do to take back the image because he was coming in hot spurts, his ejaculation mixing with the water and washing off of his body as quickly as it came.

Of course, Niall reasoned, the only reason he would be thinking of Zayn in any sexual way was because he had spent a good hour listening to the other boy fuck someone, and then, said roommate offered to ‘help him out’.

Yeah, that was it, made sense and all, a Freudian slip if anything.

This didn’t stop him from blushing when he emerged from the bathroom, where he found Zayn lounging in a chair at the kitchen table, waiting patiently.

“Took a while in there, mate,” Zayn spoke slowly, and his knowing smirk said it all, that he knew just exactly what Niall had been doing in the shower. When Niall ignored him, he continued, like a little child needing attention from its mother. “If you were that desperate I could have helped you out. It’s more fun with help. All you have to do is ask.”

Zayn wiggled his eyebrows at Niall, who just stared a little slack-jawed before scuttling into his room, even angrier than he was early that afternoon (but at least he wasn’t achingly hard anymore).

“Sod off, Zayn.”

~O~


	4. Chapter 3

Niall was getting a little hot, standing in the sun, but it was okay because he was getting sweaty for a good cause, also known as a girl, and a very pretty one at that.

He was in the courtyard outside of one of his classrooms, class had just ended, and the girl, who was in his class (art history, he needed it for general requirements), had stopped to chat him up while he was making his way out of the room.

Of course, he wasn’t one to pass up talking to a fit girl, so, being a gentleman, began to talk back. The conversation wasn’t all too interesting- she was talking about some party later that week- but he had received an invitation to said party, and she was going to be there, so if talking and sweating a bit was enough to get him some, well, he’d do it.

“Aw, you’re so cute!” the girl, Madison, cooed at him after he apologized for his stomach grumbling loudly- he was hungry okay?- and he winced internally at that.

Cute.

He was always just cute.

The cute blonde one who liked to eat and laugh and smile.

He kind of detested the word, especially because he couldn’t do anything about it and it was almost as if he was destined forever to be the cute best friend to girls.

He was tired of this status, and his left hand was tired of wanking, but not even going to the gym would get him out of the cute status- and just last week he was thinking he had lost some of his baby chub.

He didn’t understand how Liam did it. All he had to do was just smile and ripple his arm muscles a bit and the girls just flocked around him, impressed by his body and charming, sweet personality. Girls even seemed to like Louis and Harry more than they did him, which Niall didn’t seem to understand because those two were about as straight as Harry’s curls and not too stealthy about hiding it.

Maybe he was just destined to be alone.

He had gone back to listening to Madison speak now (he was really just staring at her lips), and she was in the middle of some story when she paused suddenly.

And then, “Hey babe!”

Niall shook himself out of his daydream with a muttered, “huh,” and saw that Madison wasn’t even looking at him anymore, instead looking behind him with a sort of hungry gaze at whoever she had been talking to.

Of course, it would be just his luck to find that the boy she was talking to happened to be none other than-

“Ah, Madison, I see you’ve met my darling roommate,” a low voice murmured, and yeah, Niall wasn’t shocked, or pleased, to find Zayn sidling up next to him, throwing an arm around his shoulders before leaning in to kiss Madison on the cheek, all the while holding Niall close to his side.

Zayn pinched his side, gripping his waist harder when he tried to push off the dark-haired lad’s arm, and smirked at him before throwing a wink and a sultry smile at the pretty girl standing in front of them.

“Yes, he’s quite adorable don’t you think?” Madison was cooing again, and she stepped forward to pinch his cheek. Niall turned red, partly because he was embarrassed and partly because well, she had just pinched his cheek.

“Yes, he is _adorable_ ,” Zayn responded cheekily, grinning at Niall in a way that made it so obvious that he knew what Niall was attempting, and failing, at doing with Madison. “You should see him when he wakes up, all bleary eyed and hair all mussed, demanding I cook for him before falling into my side, asking for a back rub.”

What Zayn was describing was complete utter bullshit and both of them knew it, however, Madison had no idea and was eating up every word of what Zayn had said, and now looking at Niall with the ‘aw, you’re so cute, let’s just cuddle’ face (also known as the there’s-no-way-I-would-fuck-you-because-you-are-so-cute face).

Niall was fuming by this point, although it wasn’t apparent because he only got red when he was angry and he was already red, and Zayn seemed to be shaking with triumphant energy, even more so when Madison spoke up again.

“So Zayn, you want to grab some dinner later?” She asked, and Zayn was immediately pulling out his phone, telling her to put in her phone number and that he would make reservations at this nice restaurant and was six alright?

Once again, Niall was cockblocked and no, it wasn’t a surprise at all when Niall came home from Liam’s later that night only to find Madison stark naked and riding Zayn, who lay on the couch with his hands behind his head and a smirk on his face, the lazy asshole.

~O~

“What about Rachel?” Louis asked, not glancing up from his textbook from which he was supposedly reading.

“Yeah, or her twin, Amy,” Harry piped in, not tearing his eyes away from Louis.

They were ‘studying’ at Louis’ and Harry’s place, and Niall had just finished moaning about how no girls ever seemed to like him. Liam only tossed him sympathetic glances (he was actually studying unlike the rest of them), but wasn’t much help because he had been dating Danielle for the longest time, so he didn’t really have any problems with getting some or even getting a damn date.

Harry and Louis weren’t much help either, seeing how they’re both gay and perfectly content with each other.

Maybe Niall just liked to complain.

“They’re over six feet tall, both of them,” Niall replied, shoving his hands through his hair, and rolling his eyes at their suggestion.

“So? What’s wrong with that?” Louis asked.

“They could pick you up then!” Harry exclaimed.

Which is just peachy, right?

Niall couldn’t even believe that his friends would suggestion such a thing, much less encourage him to go for it.

“I may as well just date Zayn, then, if I’m going to become the girl of the relationship,” Niall replied, wincing at his own suggestion and remembering Zayn’s constant offers to get him off. Either his roommate was being completely genuine and actually would suck or jack him off, or he just liked watching Niall squirm and turn red at the suggestion, because Zayn hadn’t stopped offering, often bringing it up whenever they were in the room together, which wasn’t very often because Niall had taken to avoiding him as much as possible with them living together and all, and the tan bloke had even gone so far as to touching him lewdly at any chance he got.

Liam was the only one who knew this, so he snickered under his breath, and Niall didn’t miss the look that Louis shot Harry.

“Date Zayn?” Harry asked, and oh lord, that look wasn’t a good one.

“No, no, I would never, just- ew,” Niall backtracked, not missing the way Harry’s eyes were narrowing and glinting mischievously and oh lord, why had he even brought Zayn up.

“Is there something you’ve been meaning to tell us, Nialler?” Harry asked, and yeah, his voice was evilly low and Louis was beginning to look at him in the same way, which was never a good thing because those two were the absolute worst when it came to teaming up on him.

“Not in the slightest, I was just- erm- ya know, saying that- uhm- if I was going to, like, date either of the twins it’d be like I was a girl, ya know, so when I brought up- uhm- Zayn, I was just, like, trying to make a joke?” Niall stuttered and he was beet red by the time he stumbled through his explanation.

Liam, of course, was absolutely no help at all and began to laugh loudly, making his explanation even less believable, even if it was the complete truth, which, judging from the shared glance, Harry and Louis didn’t believe at all.

“Yeah, _okay_ , Nialler,” Louis extended his words sarcastically, and yeah, they definitely didn’t think he was telling the truth, which stung a bit, or a lot, especially on his manly pride.

Niall sighed, shoving his head into his arms, which lay crossed on the table. Liam just patted his back sympathetically, while Niall cursed his roommate to the high heavens.

“I’m serious guys,” Niall tried again, begging with his blue eyes widened at Louis and Harry. “I’m perfectly straight and not questioning that, I just, need a girl, ya know?”

Harry laughed.

Louis smirked, “Oh, _we know_ , Nialler.”

Niall sighed and his stomach growled loudly.

Yeah, now would definitely be a good time to get some food.

~O~


	5. Chapter 4

“That’s what makes you beautifulll,” Niall sung at the top of his lungs to a laughing Louis and Harry, lifting his head up like a howling wolf as he extended the words.

“What makes me beautiful, Nialler?” Harry asked between giggles, the blonde boy’s antics getting wilder with each passing minute (or perhaps it was with each shot he took).

“The way that you flip your curls gets me overwhelmed,” Niall hollered back, his singing becoming a shout and his lyrics getting sillier and sillier.

They were at a party, some random house party that a friend of a friend of Harry’s was throwing (how Niall got invited was beyond him), and yeah, he was feeling pretty damn good.

He was definitely drunk, but he could still walk (sort of) and if anything it made the night that much better. Almost good enough to distract him from remembering that he was cock blocked three times that night (once by Harry, once by Louis, and once by himself- how do you even cock block yourself?).

But now, as he played the lyric game with Harry- a game he made up himself during their freshman year- he was feeling super fucking amazing. He continued to sing at Harry, making up lyrics as he went along, the topic ranging from Harry’s curls to Spiderman to pizza, and eventually he was laughing so hard that he couldn’t even breathe, much less talk or sing.

Niall fell to the floor- the carpet rather, he mentally corrected himself- and wow, why hadn’t he done this earlier? The carpet was really soft and comfy and just really nice to be sprawled out on and yeah, he could definitely take a nap here.

“Nialler! You okay there, buddy?”

Of course Liam would ruin his nap because Liam never slept or drank or like did any of that stuff and when Niall lifted his head up, looking bleary-eyed at the other lad, he cracked a smile. He couldn’t quite move his mouth to respond but Liam understood, grinning right back and moving to get the blonde boy standing.

“Let’s get you home, yeah?”

***

“Don’t wanna, Li, don’t wanna,” Niall whimpered, crossing his arms and jutting out his lower lip in the most adorably annoying puppy pout (at least if you were Liam). The blonde boy was sitting on the floor (he really liked carpets that night or something), refusing to go into his apartment.

“Nialler, you gotta go in at some point,” Liam pointed out, trying hard not to laugh at his best friend’s ridiculousness, although Niall did have _some_ reasoning behind his stubbornness.

“I don’t wanna see though!” Niall exclaimed, throwing his hands up and slamming them down on the ground in a drunken tantrum. His cheeks were all red, both from the alcohol he had consumed and the heat of the apartment building, and his normally bright blue eyes were bloodshot and a little glazed over. “You don’t know the things I’ve seen…”

Liam was at a loss because on one hand he understood Niall’s hesitance at entering his apartment (he remembered walking in on Zayn once and couldn’t imagine how it felt if it were to occur almost every day), but he was getting tired and he had a paper to write the next day. He decided that Niall was too drunk to leave the building, so it would be safe enough to leave him on his own until he decided to go into his apartment.

“Bye Nialler, I’ll see you tomorrow, kay?”

Niall’s jaw dropped and he just kind of stared in this unbelieving way, and Liam began to back away from him, holding back his laughter as best he could.

“Leeuhhhhhhmmm!” Niall cried, lifting his hands up as if a toddler asking to be picked up, but Liam was already at the other end of the hall, and all Niall could do was stare at his retreating figure.

Damn.

The blonde boy stared at the door as if it would bite him or something, and when it didn’t move he decided that fuck it, he may as well go inside because as comfortable as the carpeted hallway was, it wasn’t the same as his bed, and well, yolo, right?

He immediately took back that thought, replacing it with another, _I fucking hate yolo_ , and stood, opening the door as softly as possible. He shut it in a similar manner, wincing when the lock clicked into place, and he stood facing the door silently, waiting for the familiar moans and groans of Zayn and another one of his conquests.

However, they didn’t come, and instead, a voice called out softly, “You just gonna look at the door all night?”

Niall practically peed himself, well, not really, but he did jump up, spinning around quickly- and moaning when he was hit with a wave of dizziness- only to find his beloved roommate sitting on the couch, and what the fuck, was that a _book_?

He gaped, mouth open, eyes wide gaping, and yeah, his tongue was probably hanging out of his mouth too, but this is the bloke who just fucked people and played video games all day, and he was sitting there, reading a damn book. Niall tried to read the cover, but was too far away, and subsequently ended up hunching forward, his neck extended, until he decided that it was useless trying to strain his eyes.

He then realized that Zayn was shirtless and pantless, sitting on the couch in his underwear, which just happened to be really tight boxer briefs (did he buy a size too small or something?), and fuck, no, no, no he couldn’t, nope. This was a bad time to suddenly get horny.

Of course, whenever his mind thought it was a bad time, his penis seemed to think it was a good time, and the lack of action and pretty girls at the party subsequently caused him to begin to harden in his jeans.

Zayn, always the hard-on spotter (seriously, he seemed to have a radar for when Niall got hard), immediately turned his eyes to Niall’s crotch and smirked, nodding to himself about something before setting his book down and shit, no, he was reading 50 Shades of Grey.

“Need some help there, Nialler?” Zayn asked, and Niall was just kind of frozen, put on the spot like that, all horny and intoxicated. He could see the dark-haired boy advancing on him like he was the prey and Zayn was most definitely the predator, and he could do absolutely nothing but allow himself to be pushed back against the door while Zayn pressed soothing hands against the fluffy bottom of his stomach, right above his boxer line.

“No- can’t,” Niall finally breathed out, not making too much of an effort to push the other boy off because he was pressing some sort of soft kiss against the ticklish spot below his ear and if felt really good and he couldn’t really find a reason to _stop_ this.

Zayn seemed to take his no as a yes, pushing him even more into the door before hooking a finger under his belt and undoing it with precise, even movements that Niall wouldn’t be able to match in that moment. He closed his eyes to pretend it was a girl (not really but he could make believe), and barely even felt the cold air when his boxers and pants were pulled down to his ankles in one swooshing movement.

He did, however, feel when Zayn’s warm lips encircled around him and began moving in the most delicious, titillating movements, and he felt it even more when his lower stomach began to tighten. He also felt Zayn’s uvula moving when he swallowed and damn if that wasn’t one of the best blow jobs he had ever gotten, and why couldn’t it have lasted longer? Of course, he only had himself to blame.

He finally opened his eyes to find Zayn staring at him with his ever-present smirk and he pulled his pants up, not bothering to redo his belt.

“Good?” Zayn asked, and Niall nodded, a little boneless and definitely lost as to what just happened, but unable to really do much more than that. The dark-haired boy tugged him to the couch, pushing him down on the cushions so that he was flat on his back, and yeah, this was definitely more comfortable than the floor.

He couldn’t really process what Zayn had just done to him and didn’t really want to because as Harry and Louis would say, his man card was definitely in need of some questioning, but no, Niall was perfectly straight, thank you very much.

The blonde was so caught up in his thoughts, or not thoughts, that he didn’t notice when Zayn slipped away, seemingly on a mission to grab something from his room, but he was beginning to feel a bit sleepy and the room was still spinning a bit.

Niall didn’t hear Zayn’s loud laugh when the dark-haired boy returned because he was passed out cold, snoring loudly on the couch.

~O~


	6. Chapter 5

“Ugh,” Niall groaned as light hit his eyelids, seeping below his skin to the eyeballs underneath. It was too bright, much too bright and it fucking _hurt_. In fact, everything hurt- his body, his head, his brain- and the only things that didn’t hurt were his balls, which was surprising because he had been waking up day in and day out with a bad case of blue balls.

“Good morning sleeping beauty!” Zayn called out, and Niall opened his eyes blearily to find his roommate fully dressed, standing above him with a cup of coffee in hand.

He sat up, wincing as his head spun, and glanced down only to find his shirt off and pants unbuckled (he slept in his jeans?), and love bites on the edge of his hip.

What the hell?

Suddenly, with a rush of nausea and remembrance Niall sprung off the couch with surprising agility and rushed to the bathroom, puking as he remembered what had happened the night before.

He rinsed his mouth out, feeling quite a bit better, and washed his face off with cool water, buying time before he had to face his roommate.

Typical Zayn, though, decided he had waited long enough for Niall to wake up, and appeared in the doorway, thrusting the cup of coffee forward.

Niall stared because what even was happening if Zayn ‘badboy’ Malik was giving him coffee, and shit, he almost had half a mind to sleep with Zayn if this was how he would act the morning after. Of course, he wouldn’t _actually_ , but seriously, who was this bloke and where was his roommate?

“You know, it couldn’t have been that bad,” Zayn commented, raising his dark brows in a question Niall would never answer, and there, yeah, there was his trademark smirk. “You came quick enough.”

Niall groaned, grabbing the coffee from Zayn’s hand, spilling a bit over the edges and not caring as it splashed on the floor. He lifted it to his lips, and after taking a scalding sip, was surprised to find the coffee exactly how he liked it.

Niall eyed Zayn suspiciously, a little unsure of what the other bloke was attempting to accomplish with this act of kindness, but Zayn chose that moment to turn away, walking across the flat and grabbing his favorite leather jacket from a hook on the wall.

“See ya later, Nialler!” Zayn called cheerily over his shoulder with a wink.

Oh lord, what had he done?

~O~

Zayn’s niceties failed to last more than that morning though, and now, three days later, Niall was on the verge of ripping his hair out, or Zayn’s quiff, yeah, preferably Zayn’s quiff.

It had been constant arguing for the past 72 hours, and this, this was the last straw.

“Oi, what happened to the sandwiches in the fridge?” Niall asked, stomping to the living room, where Zayn was sitting on the couch, popping the last of the sandwiches into his mouth.

“Oops,” Zayn mumbled around the mouthful of food. He didn’t seem sorry at all, if the twinkle in his eyes indicated anything.

Niall could feel it, the pent up anger and resentment bubbling up inside of him, and he was losing it, fast. He could put up with the clothes borrowing, and the deodorant using, even the shampoo and laundry detergent, but stealing his food? No.

Absolutely fucking not.

Zayn seemed to sense his building rage and was looking at him a little curiously, as if he didn’t think Niall would do anything about it, and he hadn’t, previously, letting it go because the dark-haired boy helped pay the rent every month and it was only until the end of the semester.

He had held that over his own head like a carrot, a beacon of light guiding him to the end of the darkness, but now, with a month left, he could feel his resolve failing him. How in the world was he supposed to last an entire fucking month with this twat?

[From: Liam Payne 7:27 PM]

**Just got pizza..comin ovr in 5…lou n haz r driving me insane**

Liam being Liam was able to alleviate a little of his annoyance just with the prospect of food, but Niall still wasn’t able to shake his anger at Zayn, who had finally stopped chewing and had gone back to watching the television.

[To: Liam Payne 7:28 PM]

**Thank fuck.**

Niall slipped his phone back into his pocket and turned back to Zayn, his face paling a little from its previous red state. He made a quick decision.

“Get out,” Niall barked, storming over and grabbing the remote from the couch, flicking off the t.v. with a press of the button. He loomed over Zayn, who only looked up at him incredulously.

It was just, he hadn’t had a moment of peace since Zayn moved in, and all he really wanted to do was spend the night with Liam watching Disney movies and eating greasy pizza, not being kept up by his roommate fucking or his dick painfully hard.

“Are you seriously kicking me out of _our_ apartment?” Zayn asked, shocked because never once had Niall done this. Sure, he yelled and screamed and maybe once threw a textbook at Zayn’s head, but he hadn’t ever been this angry, mad enough that the blonde boy didn’t even seem to want Zayn in his presence.

Niall just pointed at the door, eyebrows raised and blue eyes dark and unreadable, a change from their normal bubbliness, upholding his previous banishment.

“Out.”

The blonde lad could have sworn he saw a flash of hurt in Zayn’s dark eyes before the boy was up and stomping out of the flat without another word. It shouldn’t have bothered him, but of course, him being who he was, he immediately sunk to the floor, face in his hands, worrying about whether he had been too harsh or not.

He barely had a moment to himself before the door was opening up again, and he frantically turned to the door, ready to apologize to Zayn, but instead, he was met with the worried gaze of Liam.

“You okay, Nialler? I just saw- uhm- Zayn, and he looked really pissed. Didn’t even acknowledge me- Nialler?” Liam paused, glancing at Niall as he caught his breath, taking in the smaller boys crumpled expression and position on the floor.

“Can we just eat please?” Niall whimpered, nodding to the pizza box in Liam’s hands with a desperate look, and he knew he was being ridiculous and immature and whiny, but god, he just needed some food and time to calm down.

Liam laughed because if there was one thing he knew, it was how Niall got without food, and he pulled Niall to his feet, leading him to the table, where he deposited the blonde and the pizza before pulling out plates and napkins.

“So what happened to Zayn?” Liam asked, once Niall had eaten two slices and was well on his way to finishing a third. The brown-haired lad figured it was safe to ask, as Niall seemed a lot calmer than he had previously.

Niall continued to shove food in his mouth, folding a fourth slice in half while he finished the third, and around another bite, he replied.

“I kicked him out.”

~O~

_“You kicked him out?”_

“Yeah! He ate my food!”

“ _Nialler, you can’t just kick your roommate out of your apartment!”_

“Why not? He was being an ass.”

_“Mate, are you gonna kick me out when I annoy you?”_

“But Sean, you don’t annoy me like he does!”

“ _I guess we did make it through three years of rooming together, huh?_ ”

“Exactly.”

 _“So where is he now?_ ”

“Erm- I’m not sure…”

 _“You don’t know_?”

“Not really? I dunno, it’s not unusual.”

“ _Well, have you seen him?_ ”

“Not since yesterday…”

“ _When yesterday?_ ”

“…”

“ _Niall…!”_  
“…When I kicked him out?”

“ _You haven’t seen him since you kicked him out?_ ”

“No…I half expected him to come home and fuck someone just to spite me, but I never heard him come home and haven’t seen him yet today…”

“ _Shite, mate. That’s not good…_ ”

“Yeah…”

“…”

“Just…come home soon, yeah Seanie?”

_“Yeah, okay, Nialler. Miss you.”_

“I miss you, too.”

~O~

Niall got off the phone with Sean, and sat on the couch, toying with his phone and whether or not he should call Zayn to see where he was. He really was surprised that Zayn hadn’t come home, loudly and obnoxiously as per usual, the night before, but his flat had been completely silent all night after Liam left, a welcome but slightly worrisome fact.

He didn’t have to worry much longer, though, because Zayn was entering the flat, looking perfect as always and dressed in new clothing.

Maybe he had come home the night before?

“Where were you?” Niall demanded, standing to face the slightly taller bloke, blue eyes narrowed with curiosity and some other emotion he couldn’t quite place. It wasn’t that he was worried for the other boy, no, he just didn’t want to feel guilty if something really did happen to him.

“Aww, was little Nialler worried about me?” Zayn smirked, and yeah, he was just as cheeky and snarky as usual, so Niall assumed there were no hard feelings from Zayn for his outburst yesterday. If anything, it seemed to spur the dark-haired bloke on.

Niall didn’t know how to feel, but he definitely felt the blush rising on his cheeks at Zayn’s belittlement and before he could help it he was falling into the trap of immaturity.

“Fuck off,” he mumbled, shifting on his feet awkwardly, unsure how to react to the other lad’s sudden appearance and wishing he hadn’t worried so much because really, what did he have to worry about? Zayn wasn’t mad and he was perfectly fine, but Niall couldn’t help the embarrassment he was feeling for being remotely worried about his asshole of a roommate’s well-being.

“Were you worried?” Zayn asked, his gaze curious, and whoa, when did he get so close and was that…sincerity in his eyes?

Niall backed up a little, blue eyes wide, heart thumping in his chest.

“I- uhm- no- it’s just- well- maybe-“ Niall stammered, his palms sweating a little and he felt like a pre-teen, all stuttering and fumbling, but it was even worse because he was twenty-one years old and still unable to form coherent sentences.

Zayn continued to watch him, that same warmth in his brown eyes, and then, he lunged.

*

Two hand jobs and multiple love bites later had both boys collapsing back on the couch, breathless and panting.

“This won’t become a regular thing,” Niall mumbled, buckling his belt with cum-covered hands and moving to the bathroom to wash them off.

Zayn smirked.

~O~


	7. Chapter 6

It did become a regular thing, of course, because Niall had that sort of luck.

A week later from their second hook up, and they had only failed to touch each other one day the entire week, which meant they had kissed, fucked, and given hand jobs and/or blow jobs six days out of the week (sometimes twice or even three times in a day), which also meant it had been going on for way, way, _way_ too fucking long.

And yet, Niall wasn’t really ready to stop it.

Not only was he finally _getting some_ constantly for the first time in a while (too long to remember), but also, Zayn was really damn good at _fucking_ and _touching_ and just _everything_. He could make Niall squirm and plead and then have the best orgasm of his life with simple flicks and tugs.

And yeah, it was fucking nice…if by that Niall meant really nice fucking.

So, he was hesitant to stop it, or even think about bringing the topic up because a couple pluses had come out of their little arrangement.

For starters, Zayn hadn’t brought home another fuck buddy, not once, which meant that yeah, while Niall had to endure cuddling with the dark-haired lad, he got a decent nights rest for the entire week, which wasn’t a luxury he was used to as of late.

Also, obviously, he didn’t have to deal with wanking or waking up with morning wood that wouldn’t go away (Zayn was quite good at making it go away) or getting blatant erections at very bad and awkward times.

Definitely a plus.

The dark-haired lad seemed to be in a better mood as well, and while their fighting hadn’t completed stopped, it was more teasing or the occasional friendly banter, much like Niall experienced with Liam, Harry, or Louis.

It seemed that Niall was a little more willing to share his food if he got, say, maybe a hand job or blow job in return, and Zayn seemed to be a little more willing to go grocery shopping if Niall let Zayn fuck him, which really was a benefit to the both of them (Niall loved bottoming) so Niall once again came out victorious.

As for the question of how Niall knew he loved bottoming, well, that was a story that began with a very pissed Niall, Sean, and Liam, and ended with a bottle of lube, Niall losing his anal virginity, and a threesome between the three best friends that would never be discussed for the rest of their friendship. But basically, the moral of that story is that Niall loves bottoming and that’s all anyone really needs to know.

So yeah, he was benefitting a lot from the arrangement, and in fact, there were only a couple downsides to the whole thing.

The first was that he was straight and just because he was hooking up with Zayn, who happened to be a guy, wasn’t going to change that or make him like the male species more than the female one. End of story.

And the second was that Liam, Louis, Harry, and even Sean, were beginning to notice the lack of conflict between Niall and his previously detested roommate.

*

“What’s got you in such a good mood, Nialler?” Louis asked, looking Niall up and down as if he were an alien.

Niall blushed- but it went unnoticed because his face was already red from the heat- as he thought about what had just occurred with Zayn (a quick hand job, some fingering, and a blow job- all done in a span of seven minutes in one of the public restrooms).

“It’s a nice day, I can’t be enjoying the sun?” Niall pouted, using the prime weather as an excuse for his apparent post-orgasm bliss. He had just really enjoyed the way Zayn pushed him against the bathroom wall and, well, dominated him while other students peed and what-not without even knowing.

It was kinky.

Louis didn’t seem to believe Niall’s excuse as he shared a very skeptical, very sassy look with Harry, who was equally disbelieving but not really caring because his boyfriend was running a hand through his curls and making him purr like a fucking kitten.

“It is a nice day,” Louis conceded when Niall refused to offer any other reason for his good mood, but of course, the blonde didn’t expect the other lad to give it up anytime soon.

He was proved correct when Liam eventually joined them on the grass, saying a quick hello to everyone as he dropped down on the ground.

And Liam being Liam didn’t fail to notice Niall’s good mood either, as he commented, “Someone’s a happy little leprechaun today.”

“He says it’s the weather,” Harry mumbled, and for godsake, why did his friends have to be so damn nosy and conscious of details all the time?

Niall nodded, agreeing with what Harry said, and blinking in what he hoped was an innocent way when Liam turned to him with questioning eyes. Not that any of them would get an actual answer.

“So how’s your roomie? I’m surprised, you haven’t complained about him at all yet?”

Louis knew he had hit a spot when Niall failed to meet his mischievous blue eyes, instead focusing on a cloud and the grass and Liam and then his hands.

Niall tried not to think about just how good Zayn was (with his hands that was) and just how annoying he used to be (he had to be a little convincing with his acting, right?) and not how their roommate status had taken a turn in a different direction.

“He’s good? I dunno, haven’t seen him yet today, probably why it’s been such a good day,” Niall retorted finally after too long of a pause and thinking about his answer a little too thoroughly to be believable.

Liam was now looking at him suspiciously too (thank you Louis) and Louis was looking at Harry with that snooty, smug look, which was never good because Liam was a lot more perspective than Louis and Harry put together, and those two had already been questioning him a lot.

If Liam wanted to ask anything though, he didn’t, allowing Niall to relax back into the sun, and instead, asking if the blonde needed help putting sunscreen on his pale back.

*

To: [luckyleprechaun@gmail.com](mailto:luckyleprechaun@gmail.com)

From: [sillyseanloveshisleprechauns@yahoo.com](mailto:sillyseanloveshisleprechauns@yahoo.com)

Hey Nialler-

Mate, you really got to come to Ireland. I know it’s been a while since you’ve been here, but I ran into some people and they remembered you from when you were younger (they said, ‘oh the kid who loves food right? Pretty sure he ate like ten potatoes a day…’) and they wanted to see you! I’ve written down some of their twitters and such so I’ll give you those when I get home!

I only have a month or so left here, I almost wish I could stay another semester, but I guess I can’t leave you alone in the apartment for another semester with your horrid roommate. How is he, by the way? You didn’t complain at all about him, which is unusual and quite unlike the rest of your emails, in which all you did was complain about him. You didn’t hurt him did you? At least, in a way that isn’t able to be hidden?

Oh, got to go, it’s pint time! Delighted for ye fucks…Hahaha. Okay. Let’s not get into that one…see you soon, Nialler! Miss ya!

Love,

Sean

~O~

“My room or yours,” Zayn murmured, licking at Niall’s neck (not leaving a mark of course they had an understanding about that) and smirking against his soft skin.

The suspicions from Niall’s friends didn’t stop him from going home to Zayn instead of going out with Liam, Harry, and Zayn with the excuse of having a paper to write (since when did he use school as an excuse, much less lie to his friends about what he was doing?). Nonetheless, he found himself pressed up against the door immediately when he got home, Zayn’s hands sliding right under his shirt to stroke the soft skin of his tummy, and mewling under his touches.

Niall liked Zayn’s room, the cleanness of it and how everything was somehow organized- completely different from how he imagined it would be- and while Zayn liked Niall’s room (probably because it was so different than his own), it was nice that the dark-haired lad let him choose.

“Yours, definitely yours,” Niall gasped, breathing deeply to control the fast rate of his heart and to hold off from getting worked up too early in the night.

*

And of course, as Zayn pulled him close later that night, nuzzling into Niall’s side, the blonde couldn’t help but remind him.

“This isn’t a regular thing.”

~O~


	8. Chapter 7

“Oh, oh gosh, shit, oh my gosh, I’m so sorry, so, so _so_ sorry.”

Niall immediately stopped his movements, looking up front where he was on the couch, lips still wrapped around Zayn’s cock. They were both naked, and from his still assumed position, it was fairly obvious what they were doing.

Liam backed up slowly, putting one foot behind another and as if it were in slow motion, Niall watched as his best friend caught his heel on his other foot’s toe and fell back with a loud _thud_ on his arse.

His face was beet red and he was looking anywhere and everywhere _except_ the couch, Zayn, and Niall.

The blonde lad removed his mouth from Zayn’s body, wincing as it made a noticeable _pop_.

If the world had been moving in slow motion before, it suddenly rushed forward, lurching Zayn and Niall into action as they scrambled to find their clothes and put them on. When they were finally dressed and shared a look with each other, they realized they had swapped boxers and t-shirts, but didn’t really care because they were at least fully dressed now, and Liam was still sitting on the floor, although now his head was in his hands.

“Li?” Niall asked quietly, going over to Liam and setting a hand on his back. Liam flinched slightly at the touch, and Niall stepped away, hurt by the action.

Liam had never once shied away from his touch during the entirety of their friendship, and yeah, it stung a little that he did now.

The brown-haired lad stood, still not quite meeting Niall’s gaze, his face almost a deeper shade of scarlet.

“I’m just going to…” Liam thumbed in the direction of the door, turning his body to leave. “Yeah…I’ll- erm- see you later, Niall, Zayn.”

He nodded as he said each of their names, missing the way Niall’s arms wrapped around his small frame when he said Niall instead of Nialler or Ni, and then he was gone, disappearing from the apartment just as quickly as he came.

Niall just stared at the door through which Liam just left, feeling small and young and lost without Liam’s steady presence, and for once he felt as if he wasn’t sure where their relationship stood.

“You don’t suppose you could, you know, finish what you started?” Zayn asked, pressing the heel of his palm into his still present erection. It was as if he didn’t see the way Liam stormed off or how Niall was on the verge of breaking right in front of his eyes, or maybe he just didn’t care.

Niall’s blue eyes answered well enough, though, when Zayn’s dark brown ones met his blue ones, full of unshed tears.

“Fuck off, Malik.”

~O~

[To: Niall Horan 3:23 AM]

**We ned 2 talk.**

Niall was laying face forward on his bed, head buried in his pillows, when Liam texted him. He didn’t move to reply, though, at least for a couple of seconds, wallowing in his misery and not wanting to own up to the fact that his best friend had caught him and his supposedly hated roommate in a very precarious position.

He knew it had to have been a shock for Liam, hell, it was a shock for him and Zayn, but he wasn’t prepared for the way Liam basically ignored him, even calling him by his full first name.

It just…it really fucking hurt and Niall had been basking in the glory of his arrangement with Zayn, but now that one of his best friends had found out, well, he knew everything was crashing down around him.

[To: Liam Payne 3:28 AM]

**Ok. When?**

Niall didn’t expect Liam to reply that night, usually his best friend went to bed early and it was a surprise that he was even up this late, but that was slightly worrying because it meant Liam was really torn up about what he had walked in on earlier.

[To: Niall Horan 3:30 AM]

**Now? Meet me at the bench in five.**

And yeah, Niall definitely knew he was in deep shit if Liam was asking him, at this time of morning, to meet at the bench they usually met at before class.

He scrambled off of his bed, sending Liam a quick okay before slipping on a sweatshirt and exiting his room.

“Where are you headed?” Zayn asked, and his voice was gravelly, deeper than it’s usual melodic lilt, most likely ridden with sleep. He was sprawled out on the couch, watching television with the noise level on quiet.

It was odd how much better of a roommate he had become ever since they began their little _thing_.

“To meet Liam,” Niall replied as he shrugged on his shoes, not missing the way Zayn’s eyes closed with the statement. He wasn’t sure what to think of his roommate’s behavior, though, so he ignored it, more worried about what he would say to Liam.

He paused by the couch, looking at the dark-haired boy and recalling just how beautiful he really was, not that he was saying goodbye or anything because they both knew it hadn’t meant anything, and if Liam asked him to, he would end things tonight, not that he had anything to end.

They both knew it wasn’t going to be a regular thing.

And with that, Niall turned and left the apartment, this time missing how Zayn sat up with wide eyes, watching him go.

~O~

“It’s fucking cold,” Niall greeted Liam, teeth chattering and body shivering against the icy wind. His attempt at lightening the mood didn’t seem to work, though, as Liam’s expression stayed stony and serious as ever.

Niall sighed, hoping Liam wasn’t mad at him, or even worse, _disappointed_.

It turned out, though, that Liam was neither and was just extremely confused. Apparently it was hard to understand how Niall could go from hating Zayn to hating and fucking Zayn.

“It’s like Haz said, there’s a fine line between hatred and lust,” Niall explained, knowing it was an absolute shit way to show how he felt about the entire situation, but not really knowing how else to explain it, especially because he didn’t really know himself.

“Ni, you even said it yourself, the saying is there’s a fine line between love and lust, which is kind of what I wanted to ask you about,” Liam was cool with his words, serious as always, his even-headedness showing through in this particular situation, which kind of made Niall worried because Liam was worried and when Liam worried, well, it was never good.

He sighed, picking at his nails and kind of half-paying attention. If he were to be truthful, he would admit that he had no idea what he was doing, but he wasn’t quite ready to admit to that- it was bad enough that Liam knew now- so he just stayed quiet about _those_ feelings.

He was Niall Horan and he was a perfectly straight male, regardless of whether or not he was fucking Zayn on a regular basis now.

“What did you want to ask?” Niall looked at Liam suspiciously, watching as his best friend eyed him back, and yeah, the worried glint was definitely there, which meant he was going to ask serious things, things Niall didn’t want to think about and had tried specifically not to think about.

“Well, there’s a fine line between love and lust. Right now, _obviously_ , you and Zayn are in lust, but Nialler, I just- Zayn’s kind of got a reputation, okay? I just don’t want to see you get hurt,” Liam spoke with his hands waving around in precise movements, and it warmed Niall’s heart to hear what the other lad was saying, even if he didn’t really want to agree in that moment.

“Yeah, I know…but, really, Li, there’s nothing to worry about. We’re just having sex and that’s all there is to it. I told you guys I needed to get some, didn’t I?”

Liam nodded, hearing Niall’s words and maybe even believing them, but he still looked like he was confused and worried about something.

“So, does this mean you’re, like, gay?” Liam asked quietly, filling in on the silence that had fallen around the pair. He asked so softly it was almost humorous- had Niall’s heterosexuality not been in question he definitely would have laughed- and Niall was a little shocked by that question, not expecting Liam to ask it.

“No, LiLi, definitely not. The sex is just really good.”

Niall left it at that, glad he and Liam were okay, even if it took a trip out into the cold at three in the morning to fix things.

And maybe things between him and Zayn didn’t have to end, Liam might actually be able to help him, especially with fending off Louis and Harry.

Niall pretended the relief he felt was only because he didn’t have to go back to endless days of just wanking.

~O~


	9. Chapter 8

“Did you get _highlights_?” Niall demanded, looking at his roommate and his blonde streak suspiciously.

Zayn, ever-so-innocently, pulled a lollipop out of his mouth, making sure to show how his lips pursed around the candy and how his tongue reached out to lick the top of it before nodding casually.

“They’re temporary, but yeah. Whaddya think?”

It was weird, the way Zayn was looking at him as if Niall’s opinion actually might matter, but the brown-haired lad was giving him these puppy eyes and Niall thought Zayn’s heart would like break or something if he said he didn’t like them.

Not that he didn’t like them, cause, well, they didn’t look half bad.

“Were you trying to match me?” Niall asked suddenly, teasing Zayn and sitting down on his lap, which was a little difficult because the other lad was sitting on a bar stool but they made it work, shifting around each other until both of them were somewhat comfortable, if not a little warmer than before.

Had Zayn’s skin been lighter, Niall would have been able to see the beginnings of a faint blush as it spread across Zayn’s prominent cheekbones.

“No,” Zayn mumbled, shoving his face into Niall’s shoulder, his lips moving against the blonde boy’s shirt before pressing little kisses against his neck.

Niall tilted his head a bit, giving Zayn a little more access to his pale skin, and the other lad sucked harder, forming little bite marks and bruises all over, littering his skin with love bites.

“It’s okay if you did want to match, s’cute, really,” Niall replied, barely holding his train of thought as Zayn bit down a little harder as he teased.

It was kind of really fucking sexy when Zayn got rough with him.

“Can we just fuck, yeah?”

And then, Niall really lost all train of thought because Zayn was picking him up and moving them onto a bed.

*

A couple hours later found the boys sprawled out on the mattress, limbs intertwined as they panted, their sweat mixing together in a sex-filled sheen.

It had been two days since Liam walked in on them, and ever since he had, Niall stopped with the whole, “It isn’t going to be a regular thing” speech because if he was being honest, it kind of had become a regular thing.

Not that he was complaining.

Zayn was warm, his body heat pressing around Niall’s body, leaving him scorching and tingling in every place their bodies touched.   
He wasn’t sure when they went from just having sexual encounters to doing other stuff like watching television, eating, studying, and just hanging out, but now, apparently, cuddling had been thrown into the mix. Of course, Zayn was still an asshole at times- more often than not- but he had this little side to him that was really quite sweet.

“You better be dressed in two minutes because Louis and Harry are on their way over and won’t be as kind as me!”

Niall startled at the sound of Liam’s voice, always forgetting that he had given his best friend a key (he had a penchant for losing his so giving Liam a copy seemed like the best idea).

Beside him, Zayn was half-groaning, half-laughing, and making his way off of the bed, untangling their limbs as he went to dress himself. Niall followed suit, slipping his boxers back on, as well as his other clothes, and exiting the room quickly.

“I thought we were meeting at their place?” Niall asked upon finding Liam sprawled out on the couch, flicking through an app on his phone. Liam sat up, closing his phone and putting it in his pocket as he looked over Niall’s messy appearance.

Zayn entered the room moments later, looking immaculate as ever (Christ when did he not look like fucking perfection?), and he shot a small smile at Niall’s best friend.

Zayn and Liam had this sort of understanding, where Liam put up with Zayn and just kind of narrowed his eyes in warning at the other lad and Zayn was less of a tosser to him in response.

“We are, I just wanted you to get ready faster than you usually do,” Liam replied cheekily, grinning as his plan seemed to have worked out quite nicely. He then turned to Zayn, who was looking in their basically empty fridge with his usual blank expression. “Hey, you wanna join us?”

Zayn turned, shock flitting across his face for a moment as he processed Liam’s question.

“Liam! What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Niall hissed, smacking Liam across his pectoral muscle as he not-so-slyly made it very clear he wasn’t happy with Liam inviting Zayn along.

The surprise was gone from Zayn’s face as his eyes flickered from Liam to Niall and back and forth again, and oh no, not the smirk.

Niall groaned, shoving his face into his hands.

This wasn’t going to be good.

Liam shrugged at Niall, giving him the stop-being-such-a-pussy look before turning back to Zayn.

“Well?”

Zayn’s cheeky smirk was still present, his dark eyes piercing into Niall’s blue ones.

“I’d love to join you guys.”

~O~

“Nialler, why did you hide him for so long?” Louis exclaimed, his arm still dangling around Zayn’s neck. Zayn, the tosser that he is, sunk into Louis’ hold a bit, challenging Niall to say something.

Of fucking course, Niall couldn’t because his friends- mainly Louis and Harry- seemed to love his roommate, and anything he wanted to say would have come off as completely rude, making _him_ look like the asshole.

So Niall bit the inside of his lip- probably drawing blood- and managed not to say anything he was thinking in that moment.

Instead, he stood up, walked slowly into the kitchen using precise, controlled movements that did not convey his annoyance at all, and proceeded to grab a beer from the fridge and chug it completely.

No, he wasn’t jealous that his friends liked Zayn, not at all, it was more that Zayn seemed to fit in with them so easily, in a way Niall never felt he could, and it had absolutely nothing to do with Louis’ arm being wrapped around Zayn from the second they arrived.

Harry didn’t seem to care, and that was his boyfriend, so Niall _definitely_ did not fucking care.

“Sorry, Nialler.”

Niall jumped at the sound of Liam’s voice- damn when did he get so good at sneaking up on people?- and opened his eyes to see Liam leaning against the fridge, his apologetic puppy-dog face on full force.

“For what?” Niall questioned, not sure what Liam had to be sorry about. In fact, Liam had nothing to do with why Niall was annoyed because he was the only one who seemed somewhat controlled the entire evening, not that it was a surprise or anything.

“Inviting Zayn, it was kind of unwarranted of me. I guess I just figured that you guys were- ya know- and if it were going to turn into something more than he should meet our other friends,” Liam explained, waving his hands around as he tried to make sense of his thoughts and show them to Niall, who just kind of stood there blankly.

Liam pulled Niall into a hug when the blonde lad didn’t respond for a while, rubbing the tightness in his shoulders.

“S’not your fault, Li,” Niall murmured after a while, sighing into Liam’s familiar and comforting embrace.

He shook away the thought that he would rather have it be a different embrace, not wanting to go down that path because it wouldn’t amount to anything good. At the end of the day, no matter how good the sex was and how well he got along with Niall’s friend, Zayn was still an asshole- the same smoking, leather-jacket wearing prick who he had hated for months.

Good sex couldn’t change that.

Liam and Niall joined the other three blokes back in front of the TV, Niall nursing another beer- slower this time- and Liam shooting him worried glances that he tried to ignore.

Thankfully, Louis and Harry had taken up the love seat, cuddling up against each other as usual, leaving Zayn alone on the couch.

Liam pointedly took the opposite end and Niall eyed the center of the couch as if it would bite. He missed the shared look between Louis and Harry as he stood there awkwardly, trying to decide whether or not he really wanted to sit next to Zayn.

“I don’t bite, ya know, well, not unless you ask me to,” Zayn drawled, but his eyes were unreadable, unlike Niall’s, which flickered through every emotion he was feeling.

Zayn patted the spot next to him, indicating for Niall to sit.

“Jesus, Nialler, you’re acting like a middle school girl, just sit down so we can watch the damn movie,” Louis whined, looking away from Harry to glare at Niall, who was still standing indecisively in the middle of the room.

Niall sighed, plopping down on the couch as close to Liam and as far away from Zayn as he could. However, Liam immediately pushed him over, claiming he needed more leg room, and Niall could feel Zayn’s body pressed into his side.

They started the movie, and if anyone noticed how Zayn’s arm ended up around Niall, the blonde boy curling into his side and falling asleep half-way through the film, no one mentioned it to him when he woke up as the credits were rolling and it was time to go back to his and Zayn’s apartment.

~O~


	10. Chapter 9

No matter how much he tried to avoid it, Zayn had joined their group. He and Louis had exchanged phone numbers and texted constantly. Even Harry had welcomed the dark-haired lad into their friendship group with open arms, which was unusual, especially seeing how close Louis and Zayn were becoming.

To say that it made Niall edgy was the understatement of the year.

He couldn’t stand being around Zayn and Louis and Harry. Liam was okay because, well, because Liam already knew about Zayn and Niall’s arrangement. Louis and Harry didn’t, though, and Niall preferred to keep it that way.

He just kind of wanted to keep his and Zayn’s physical relationship away from the attachment that came with telling friends and other people; if they were just hook up buddies, it didn’t make sense to make it into anything more than that by telling other people.

Of course, he didn’t quite understand why he got this little tightening feeling in his chest whenever Zayn and Louis whispered to each other or when Harry cuddled into Zayn, no, he just chalked it up to annoyance at the dark-haired lad for worming his way into his friend’s hearts.

It did make things easier, though, that Zayn got along with his friends, especially because it meant they got along more at home, and Niall was able to invite his friends over more often without getting worried about what Zayn would do.

Niall found it slightly odd that Zayn hadn’t invited any of his flings over as of late; before it had been constant, a slew of willing sexual partners, and Niall didn’t think Zayn would stop just because of him, like shit, the bloke was a sexual monster, there was absolutely no way Niall would be able to satisfy all of his needs. Regardless, he didn’t ask about it and found he didn’t really want to know if Zayn was getting some anywhere else (he hoped Zayn wasn’t but he wouldn’t admit that to anyone, not even himself).

It was a relief- although he didn’t quite recognize the feeling- when Louis, Harry, and Liam were all busy for the night, leaving Zayn and Niall to their own devices for once.

Niall couldn’t quite remember the last time they had a night truly to themselves, not including the late nights- but those were saved for sex and more sex, and he was- not admittedly- excited at the prospect of having Zayn to himself.

Zayn seemed to be on the same wavelength because he had made dinner (a special occasion indeed) and it was some fucking delicious curry dish that had Niall moaning and going back for seconds and thirds, reminding both boys of the night previous, but that’s an unneeded digression.

“So, what do you want to do tonight?” Niall asked, settling back in his chair as he eyed Zayn from across the table. He should have found it weird, this comfortable scene they were in, sitting and eating dinner together when just weeks before they had been arguing constantly and hating each other’s guts.

Zayn looked at him right back, his trademark smirk in place, but instead of getting annoyed by the look, Niall found himself wondering what could have the other lad so amused and thinking _itwaskindasexy._

“Well…” Zayn began, and yeah, he definitely had a plan and Niall wasn’t sure if he would like it because the last time Zayn started a sentence like that it had ended with Niall tied to the bed and in some awkward sex position Zayn wanted to try (he would admit the sex had been good, well, amazing, although when was it not) that left Niall aching and sore for a good week. Louis even commented on it, asking if Niall had gone to the gym or something, which prompted Zayn to choke on his drink and Niall to blush bright red. It was a never-ending circle by then because then Liam was eyeing them knowingly and Louis was completely lost and begging to be let in on the secret, to which none of them said a word.

But anyway, Niall nodded at Zayn, indicating he should continue and just spit out his idea.

“Do you smoke?” Zayn asked suddenly, and it was far from what Niall had been thinking, so far in fact that the blonde kind of sat there dumbfounded and looking really doped up (and to think this was how he acted without even getting high).

Niall was sure Zayn wasn’t talking about cigarettes because the other lad knew very well he didn’t smoke fags, which left one option that Zayn could be talking about, and well, Niall did enjoy smoking…on occasion (very rare occasions).

So, Niall answered as much, “On occasion.”

And Zayn nodded, still surveying the blonde in the little way he did that was completely unreadable but made Niall squirm because he felt as if Zayn were looking right into his soul and reading his mind.

“Do you want to?”

And, of course, because Niall had a death wish, and a problem saying no to Zayn, he found himself smoking weed for the first time since Sean had left.

"Can you light? I'm scared of lighters?" Niall questioned, holding the piece of glass carefully between his fingers.

He sat cross-legged in front of Zayn, and surprisingly, the other bloke didn't make fun of him for asking. Instead, he nodded, his dark orbs glimmering a little with some unrecognizable emotion.

"Sure," Zayn nodded, scooting immeasurably closer to the blonde, who sat still as he felt their legs press together a little, the warmth of Zayn's body comfortable and nice. He could smell Zayn's scent, and if he leaned in a little to sniff him, well, he was normal, seriously.

"You ready?"

Niall nodded, lifting the piece up to his lips as Zayn brought the lighter close and flicked it on. The blonde lad inhaled heavily, sucking until he couldn't suck anymore, or breathe really. 

He held the smoke in, feeling it settle in his throat and lungs, and wow, it felt so fucking nice. Everything felt so fucking nice: Zayn, his body, his mind, Zayn, and Zayn, and Zayn, and _ZaynZaynZayn._

After he held the air in for a decent amount of time, he took his free hand- the one not holding the little glass piece- and wrapped it around Zayn's neck, pulling the dark-haired boy close and pressing their lips together as he exhaled the smoke.

Surprisingly, it was Zayn who pulled back first, leaving the taste of weed and Zayn on Niall’s lips.

They passed the pipe back and forth a few more times, shot-gunning occasionally, but really just enjoying the way their legs were pressed together and the beginnings of the drug that was starting to work its way through their veins.

Before when he smoked, Niall had gotten really hyper- a fact that Sean made fun of him quite often because seriously, who got hyper after getting high?- but this time, Niall just got _hungry_.

And no, it wasn’t the needy stomach, munchies type hungry, it was the unquenchable _horny_ hungry.

Like shit, he just needed and there was Zayn and the other boy felt so good and he was so close, but Niall couldn’t really form any coherent thoughts.

 _He’s beautiful_ , was the only thought really running through his mind, and he didn’t even realize he had said it out loud until Zayn replied.

“So are you.”

And then, Niall closed the space between them by throwing his body forward, glad that the pipe was safely on the table and out of his way because all he could think of was _ZaynZaynZayn_ and _needneedneed_ and _wantwantwant_.

He ignored the fluttering in his stomach and the tingles that started wherever Zayn touched him and just let his body melt into Zayn’s, perfectly content to feel him in every way possible.

It was so easy, being with Zayn, and usually sex with Zayn was rough and dominant and satisfying in every sexual way, but this, this time was different, something was different, and Niall wanted so desperately to blame the weed and he hoped it was the weed, but Zayn was touching him carefully now, his fingers soothing and his lips caressing and it was so different from before- better, almost- and it satisfied a part of Niall that he didn’t even know needed satisfying.

When it was all over, and they had finally made their way onto a bed, Niall found himself wanting more- more Zayn and more Zayn and more Zayn- and he couldn’t remember the last time he had fallen asleep without the other lad’s breath softly lulling him into dreamland, and he found himself not wanting to fall asleep in any other way.

~O~


	11. Chapter 10

It was a long time coming, and Niall knew that. He knew the tightening in his chest wasn’t normal and the butterfly stampede in his stomach meant something, but he had tried to ignore it and separate his mind and heart from his body because he wanted something different for the first time in his history of relationships.

He knew he was the type to get attached and that for him sex wasn’t just sex and he had thought he had found something new with Zayn- a new side of himself- but deep down he really knew that there was no way he could hide from his feelings forever- not that he didn’t want to try.

Especially now, as he became more and more aware of the way Zayn made him feel.

It wasn’t even that he really liked him- _yes he did_ \- because he actually really did detest his roommate before, but, well, he could admit that Zayn wasn’t half bad company and sometimes he made Niall laugh and other times he made Niall feel really giddy and he could cook well (when he tried) and he could do the whole sex thing really fucking well and he could do the cuddling after part even better.

Okay, so yeah, maybe Niall liked Zayn a little.

Or, well, maybe Niall liked Zayn a lot.

Either one, either way, he was kind of fucked because Zayn still didn’t indicate anything more than a sexual relationship, or maybe Niall was just dense enough not to see the way the other lad’s gaze would linger softly or how his arms would tighten around Niall’s body a little whenever Liam’s name was brought up.

Niall was actually very convinced these feelings were one-sided, like so convinced that the thought of telling Zayn how he felt made him clam up and start sweating like a fucking pig because he didn’t want to screw up their relationship. At this point, any relationship with Zayn was enough for him (not really) and if not telling Zayn how he felt meant he could keep the other bloke in his life, well, he would keep his feelings a secret.

However, it was much easier said than done because there were many times when Niall found himself a second away from telling Zayn, only to catch himself right before he would speak up.

It put him on edge, like really on edge, because he found himself freezing up around his dark-haired roommate in this weird way, and Zayn was sort of starting to notice.

“Hey Zayn,” Niall started, and then, he was thinking _shitshitshit_ because he knew he was about to blurt out _Ilikeyou_ but he couldn’t, no, he couldn’t do it.

It was just the two of them- again, which was unusual but lately they had found themselves alone, with Liam claiming to be busy with Dani and Louis and Harry being Louis and Harry and doing whatever they did.

Niall was kind of half-studying, half-trying not to watch Zayn move around the kitchen (fuck yeah he was cooking again; when did they get so domesticated?), but the dark-haired bloke made it look really graceful, all of his movements smooth and clean, really pretty and basically movie-worthy, and Niall was having a hard time concentrating on anything else, like his text book.

Of course, at the sound of Niall’s voice, Zayn turned around immediately, eyes seeking out Niall’s, and he looked at the blonde boy, who was turning a little red around the edges.

“Yeah, Nialler?”

-Niall really didn’t get any pleasure from the nickname-

But Niall was already saying, “Nevermind,” and turning back to his text book, where he proceeded to read and reread the same sentence about twenty times, not even understanding the words, which were really simple ‘the’s and ‘and’s.

Zayn ignored the sizzling food, or rather, he turned off the stove because the food was finished, and continued to watch as the blonde studiously ignored him. He continued to watch Niall, who continued to pretend to study, and Niall was perfectly aware of Zayn’s gaze and Zayn was perfectly aware that Niall was aware of his gaze and it sort of went on like this for a few more minutes until Zayn broke the silence again.

“Spit it out, Blondie,” Zayn declared, apparently tired of their kind of ignoring each other thing, or Niall’s kind of ignoring him thing. If he saw how Niall blushed more scarlet, he didn’t say a word, just watching as the blonde shifted on his chair and looked up at him (finally), blue eyes wide like a little kitten.

Niall continued not to speak and the kitchen was silent, until a buzzing sounded- Niall’s phone- and he immediately took the chance to get away, picking his phone up and bringing it to his ear after telling Zayn he’d be right back.

“Seanie!”

_“Heya, Nialler! How’s my favorite little leprechaun?”_

“Good, good. You know. How about you?”

_“God, I’m great! Honestly, everything has been amazing lately. I couldn’t be happier.”_

“Well, that’s good, mate!”

“ _Yeah, yeah! So, hey, I don’t have much time to talk, but I just wanted to catch up for a bit, or rather, make sure you hadn’t forgotten about me._ ”

“How could I forget about you, Seanie?”

(He had forgotten.)

_“Well, wouldn’t put it past you. Kidding. But seriously, haven’t heard you rant about your roommate for a while, so I figured that even if you were starting to get along, which seems kind of doubtful because the guy seriously sounds like an asshat, that I’d remind you that you only have to put up with the douche for about a week and a half more because I’m coming home in exactly ten days!”_

“Oh.”

_“Jeez, buddy, way to sound excited for my return.”_

“Sorry, I was thinking about this test coming up, but wow! That’s a lot sooner than I thought!”

_“Yeah, I know right? This semester flew by! Anyway, that’s cool still, right? I mean I’m sure you can’t wait to get rid of your dick of a roommate.”_

“Yeah, yeah, uhm, of course that’s cool.”

 _“You sure?_ ”

“Totally! I just had forgotten and need to tell Zayn about it and what not, but no, that’s totally cool. I’m sure Zee can find another place to stay.”

“…”

“Sean?”

 _“Zee?_ ”

“Oh, sorry. Zayn, yeah, I’m sure Zayn can find another place to stay.”

“ _Is there something you aren’t telling me?_ ”

“No! Not at-“

 _“Shit, Nialler, I got to go, but I’ll call you later, yeah?_ ”

“Yeah. Course. Later!”

 _“Okay, bye Nialler, miss you loads!_ ”

“…miss you, too, Seanie.”

And then, the phone clicked off, leaving Niall in his room in complete silence.

“Shit,” he muttered, running a small hand through his hair and messing it up more than usual.

In all honesty, he had completely forgotten about Sean and that his best friend was coming home at the end of the semester and expecting to move back into the apartment. He had been so caught up in his world of _ZaynZaynZayn_ that he forgot that Zayn was only supposed to be staying until Sean came back, which was in…ten days.

Ten days.

Ten fucking days.

And not just that, but he couldn’t help the feelings of disgust that bubbled inside of him when he heard the names Sean called Zayn- asshat, douche, dick- and he knew it wasn’t completely unwarranted because he had called Zayn worse things, so Sean couldn’t really know any better, especially because he hadn’t really told Sean about their new-found relationship. But it left a sour taste in his mouth and he felt all dirty knowing his best friend thought that of Zayn, who really wasn’t any of those names.

He was just really shell-shocked because how was he supposed to tell Zayn that he had to find a new place to stay, in ten days nonetheless.

He couldn’t just up and say, “Oh, by the way, my best friend Sean, you know, the one who was supposed to live here instead of you, oh yeah, he’s coming home in ten days, so you know, you have to find a new place to stay. Sorry.”

No, that would make him a bigger dick than Zayn had ever been and it definitely didn’t help him out with his little situation, you know, the little (or monumental) _feelings_ situation.

So, yeah, he was kind of, really, extremely, and totally fucked.

But, he figured he couldn’t put off facing Zayn forever- but fuck he wasn’t going to bring up the whole Sean coming home thing, at least not yet, or the feelings thing for that matter- so he walked out of his room slowly, and back into the kitchen.

He found Zayn sitting at the table, playing a game of SongPop on his phone, and at the sound of the pitter-patter of his feet, the other lad looked up.

“Everything okay?” Zayn asked, and he seemed actually, sincerely concerned in a way that Niall hadn’t seen before and it made his heart a little heavier because of what he had to tell Zayn about Sean.

Niall faked a smile, “Yeah, everything is great!”

He looked around the kitchen, anywhere but Zayn’s questioning gaze, and he was relieved when his stomach grumbled loudly, giving him the perfect excuse.

“God, I’m starved. Can we eat?” he asked, looking extremely hopeful- for Zayn not to ask anymore questions and also to eat- and Zayn nodded back at him, standing up to get the food.

He dished up two plates, and soon enough, Niall was moaning around his fork and Zayn was teasing him about how he sounded like a porn star when he made noises like that, to which Niall simply retorted something about the food being really fucking good.

Zayn didn’t ask any other questions and Niall didn’t almost tell him how he felt, and if Niall’s touch was a little more desperate than usual when they fucked that night, grasping and tugging Zayn as if it would be the last time, well, Zayn didn’t say anything about that either, simply responding in kind and holding the blonde lad a little tighter to him.

~O~


	12. Chapter 11

“Hi,” Niall greeted sheepishly, and he blushed at the thought of what he was about to do- about to talk about. He fucking blushed like a little schoolgirl with a crush, but he kind of did have a crush, so…maybe he was like a little schoolgirl.

It was the first time he felt this awkward in a while, and he didn’t quite know what to do with that but he had asked to talk and here he was, so he may as well talk. It would probably make him feel better, at the very least.

“Hiya, Nialler,” Liam replied back, pulling the blonde lad into a hug.

Niall sunk into Liam’s embrace and stayed there, soaking up the comfort of his best friend’s hold and not really wanting to talk about this, even if he knew he needed to.

Sean had called back the earlier in the day ( _nine days now_ ) and gave Niall the details of his arrival: Saturday, three o’clock in the afternoon.

Niall kind of wanted to hit someone at this because really? Why was this happening all at once?

He had these feelings and then he had Sean coming home and then he had to tell Zayn that Sean was coming home, and yeah, he definitely needed to talk to Liam about this or he might burst.

And Liam obviously noticed something was up because he was asking, “So, what’s up? Or down? Or wrong?”

Liam frowned and Niall laughed loudly, a little too loudly, and it sounded more like a cough than anything, which only caused Liam’s frown to groove deeper into his face.

But Niall couldn’t stop laughing.

He laughed and laughed and laughed until Liam led him to the couch (they were in Liam’s apartment) and Niall just kept laughing, but then, at some point, his laugh choked up a bit more and soon enough he was crying.

So, he cried and cried and Liam sat there with him and before long his cries had turned into little hiccups.

He gladly took an offered tissue and smiled weakly at Liam after blowing his nose.

“Sean is coming home, I think I have a crush on Zayn, Zayn doesn’t know Sean is coming home, and Sean doesn’t know I’m fucking Zayn,” Niall blurted out in one massive, rushed sentence.

When had his life turned into such a soap opera?

He was so fucked, and not in the way he wanted to be.

This time he was on the bottom and by bottom he meant the deepest pit of despair and fuckery in which he could possibly be, not like writhing under Zayn like he wanted.

Liam seemed to agree as he stared at Niall with his mouth open a little bit in shock.

“You have feelings for Zayn?”

Of course that would be the one thing Liam focused on, of fucking course.

Yeah, it kind of was a big deal because Liam knew that Niall thought he was straight and he hadn’t really done the feelings thing in a long while, but still, why did he have to focus on _that_ part of what Niall had confessed?

Niall sighed and found he couldn’t really deny what Liam was asking, so he just sort of nodded and turned a little red and jesus fucking Christ who was he turning into?

“ _Liam_ , Sean is coming home in nine days and Zayn doesn’t know and what do I do?” Niall couldn’t help it if his voice got a little whiny at the end because he was feeling really frantic and the feeling was kind of crawling up him until he felt like his head was extra full and his chest was definitely weighed down with something.

It was just a really stressful situation.

“Well, have you told Zayn?”

Niall was silent.

He had meant to tell Zayn, like, yesterday, after he got off the phone with Sean for the first time, but, yeah, then Zayn was doing this little thing with his fingers inside of him and damnit who was going to blame him if he’d rather just let Zayn finger him instead of having some goddamn serious talk?

“You haven’t told Zayn yet?” Liam paused after Niall was still unresponsive, and then, “And you haven’t told Sean about Zayn?”

Niall was still silent.

He felt like he should explain himself to Liam because Liam was Liam and Niall could practically feel his judging glare, but the blonde lad really didn’t have much of an explanation other than that he just hadn’t told Sean or Zayn the news.

He apparently wasn’t very good at the whole talking thing…

“For godsake Niall!” Liam exclaimed when Niall still stayed unresponsive, and Liam seemed to be genuinely worried for him, but it was Liam so that kind of made sense.

It was also why Niall had gone to his best friend because if anyone would be able to fix this mess, it was Liam.

Just like Liam fixed his cuts and bruises when they were younger, Liam would be able to fix this now…right?

“Okay, first, you need to talk to Zayn because he is going to need to find a new place to stay, and _soon_. Jesus, you should have told him this a long time ago, does he even know that he was only supposed to stay for the semester? After that you need to call Sean and fess up about Zayn because Sean needs to know. And maybe, you know, tell Zayn how you feel as well? You can’t hide from it forever, Nialler, as much as you want to, you just can’t hide from it,” Liam ranted, making Niall feel as if he were back in high school and his parents were lecturing him about school or some shit.

Of course, this was exactly what Niall had wanted from Liam, though, so he listened and cringed and tried not to think about how his best friend was completely right.

The asshole, why was he always right about things?

“Niall? Are you even listening to me?” Liam asked, and he didn’t even give Niall a chance to respond before using his commanding voice all over again. “Okay. This is what you’re going to do, and listen to me this time, will ya? Go home and talk to Zayn about 1) that you have feelings for him and 2) that Sean is coming home. Then, call Sean and talk to him about 1) that you don’t actually hate Zayn and 2) you have feelings for him. Can you do that? Do you want me to text it to you so you can remember?”

Niall gaped at Liam because, well, Liam had never been this forceful about anything.

And yeah, it would be kind of nice if Liam would text that to him and Niall said as much.

Liam laughed at him and grinned, “Only you, Nialler. Now get out of my apartment, Dani’s parents are having dinner with us tonight and I’m supposed to cook. _Me_! Supposed to _cook_!”

~O~

Niall went back home and he walked really slow and dragged his feet and stared at Liam’s text, which said exactly what Liam himself had told Niall just moments before, but as much as he thought about it and as slowly as he moved, it was inevitable that he’d arrive at his flat eventually.

And he meant to talk to Zayn, like properly sit down and speak his mind about his feelings (Niall winced at the thought) and about Sean, but as soon as he arrived and shut the door, Zayn kind of pounced on him and made talking difficult.

He did mean to talk to Zayn, really, but it was definitely hard when Zayn was pulling down Niall’s pants and licking and sucking and-

“Oh, god, Zee, _please_ ,” Niall moaned.

So, maybe he wasn’t exactly too keen on talking about the _things_ he was supposed to be talking about, but telling Zayn he was good with his mouth was close enough to telling Zayn that Niall had feelings for him…right?

But fuck, Zayn just made it so hard and he always found a way to distract Niall from actually talking (aka he was really good at fucking and why would Niall want to stop that to talk when they could be doing much better things?).

This time, of course, was no different, and Niall just kissed Zayn back and let Zayn lead him to the bedroom, which Niall registered as his own.

They kissed and kissed and kissed more than they ever did before, and Niall couldn’t really think and he was all boneless already from Zayn sucking him off, but he could feel himself getting hard again, and he could taste himself on Zayn’s lips, but more importantly he just kind of tasted _Zayn_.

It definitely wasn’t hard to lose his thoughts in the taste and the feeling and it felt as if he were dreaming because how could he be so lucky to have gotten to this point with such a beautiful person like Zayn?

And Niall found himself regretting every little snarky comment about how much of a dick Zayn was because the other lad wasn’t actually any of those things; he was sweet and understanding and liked to cuddle and knew exactly what Niall needed all the time.

Niall didn’t even know when their relationship had changed to something else other than hate and lust, but he couldn’t deny that he had fallen for Zayn. There was just something in his dark eyes and his light smiles.

It had caught Niall and he couldn’t look back.

But, of course, everything had to come to an end, at least all good things, and as their love making ended and they began their routine of cuddling after, Niall found himself following Liam’s advice (to try talking) and he knew already that he was going to fuck something up with this.

“So, uhm, you know Sean?” Niall muttered into Zayn’s shoulder, letting his lips brush against the other lad’s collarbone lightly, as if it would make this a little easier.

Zayn shifted against him and nodded slightly.

“Well, he’s, erm, he’s coming home soon, yeah? And, I- erm, well-“

“Spit it out, Nialler. You know you can tell me anything,” Zayn interrupted.

And Niall probably should have said something about how he had feelings for Zayn and wanted like a relationship or something, but instead, he found himself muttering, “Well, he needs your room. Or, like, that was the arrangement, right? That you’d stay here for the semester?”

Niall knew it was wrong the moment he spoke and fuck he wished he hadn’t said anything at all and had just stayed cuddled up and comfortable, but there, he did it, and he didn’t feel any better for coming clean.

“So, like, what? I just have to find a new place to stay and that’s it?” Zayn was asking, and Niall couldn’t read him at all- not that he could usually- but there was something unnerving about the other lad’s gaze, as if he was like breaking down, but putting up a wall at the same time, like finding shelter in something Niall couldn’t quite place.

“How long?” Zayn asked softly when Niall didn’t reply. “At least give me the fucking length of time I have to find a new place.”

Niall wished he could take it all back and restart this conversation because he had a sinking feeling in his gut and he couldn’t really breath very easily. It was as if he had been a fish out of water and Zayn had been teaching him how to breath, but without the older boy there, holding him, he wasn’t sure how to do it.

He knew he had said something, done something wrong, and made Zayn angry or hurt or _something_ with his words, and Niall really wanted to go back to the time when they just fucked and it was nice and everything was all good when they were in the dark, or at least when he was in the dark, but now, there were these feelings and they were all light and bright and just shining there expectantly.

He just wanted to turn the light off so he could make everything better.

“Uhm, next Saturday,” Niall muttered, not meeting Zayn’s eyes, and if he had been watching, he would have seen how the dark-haired lad visibly flinched and how his eyes were filled with hurt for a few seconds before hardening into something else.

He didn’t though because his blue eyes were completely shut and it was hard to breathe and he felt that if he looked at Zayn he would fall apart completely.

“Nine days? You’re giving me nine fucking days?”

Zayn’s voice was cold, clipped, and it had that hint of arrogance like it did before, and Niall hated it. He absolutely hated how detached and rude it sounded.

It sounded like the before-Zayn, when Niall couldn’t stand to be around him.

And Niall’s eyes were still closed, but he could feel Zayn leaving the bed and he could hear him moving around, putting on clothes frantically, and he definitely heard the door slamming shut as Zayn left.

All at once, Niall was drowning and it really was as if he had been a fish that Zayn had taught how to breathe on land, and now, he was thrown back in the ocean and he had forgotten how to use his gills.

But really, Niall was just drowning in his own tears and gasping for air because he didn’t think he could go back to a life without Zayn, and that, well, that hurt so fucking badly and was one of the scariest things in his life.

He didn’t even remember that this wasn’t supposed to be a regular thing or that he was supposed to be straight.

He just wanted Zayn holding him again because for once, in Zayn’s arms, everything had felt as if it would be all right.

~O~


	13. Chapter 12

Niall almost would have preferred it if Zayn had just left, like the time he kicked the dark-haired boy out for the night, but no, instead, it was as if none of _them_ had ever happened because Zayn, well, he just went right back to his old ways of partying and _fucking_.

He didn’t even know what to do and it fucking sucked because he had these feelings kind of bubbling up inside of him and he wanted to tell Zayn how he felt, but the other lad clearly didn’t really care all that much.

Or seemingly at all, which was made very apparent by the fact that Zayn was clearly and blatantly fucking someone in his room quite loudly.

Niall wasn’t even ashamed to say that he was ragingly hard and also bawling his eyes out in his own room.

And he couldn’t even bring himself to have a wank because it felt like touching himself would be like giving up on Zayn, and Niall wasn’t ready to give up on Zayn quite yet.

“Fuck, Zayn, yes, right there.”

The moan was loud, ringing right through the wall separating their rooms, and it was just enough to push Niall over the edge.

He just couldn’t take it anymore because Zayn was everywhere: he was in Niall’s sheets, the scent of his cologne and his natural smell lingering so that every time Niall curled up, wanting to get away from the other lad, he was taken back to a time when they’d cuddle up together under the covers.

All because Niall could smell Zayn in his sheets.

Zayn was in Niall’s text books, the memories of Niall trying to study while Zayn tried to distract him stuck between the words and the pages, flitting through the paper and glaring at him through even just the title of the book.

All because Niall could remember Zayn’s hands when he studied.

Zayn was in Niall’s closet, his shirts hung on Niall’s hangers and his boxer briefs mingled with Niall’s on the floor and in the drawers. His pants and his shirts and his shoes and his socks were all over Niall’s room, just sitting there, mocking and laughing at Niall whenever he glanced down.

Niall didn’t see anything; he didn’t even feel anything other than cold pain.

He just wanted something to hurt like he did because Zayn obviously didn’t feel anything, and if Zayn didn’t feel anything for Niall, then maybe he would feel something if Niall ruined his stuff.

So, without even realizing what he was doing, Niall ruined everything.

It started with the sheets.

He yanked them off the bed; using muscles he didn’t know he had to rip the cloth in half with a loud tear.

He balled them up and threw them behind him, where they hit the door and splayed out on the floor.

Almost like a sacrifice.

The books were next.

He could still hear moans coming from Zayn’s room and he just wanted them to stop.

So, he threw the books at the wall.

One after another.

He didn’t wince as his senior seminar book tore right down the middle.

Barely even noticed that his biology book had dented the wall with a loud bang.

He didn’t even realize that pages were raining down around him.

After that he didn’t see anything past the tears in his eyes.

All he wanted was everything to be gone.

He tore through his room like a tornado, taking clothes from his closet and throwing them around.

He was just so numb and aching and there was absolutely nothing he could do because Zayn was still next-door fucking and touching someone in a way that had been so special to Niall, but to Zayn was just nothing.

Was that all Niall was?

Nothing?

He picked up his favorite shoes- the green vans- and looked at them blankly.

Zayn had loved these shoes too, saying they were representative of Niall’s Irish roots.

In that moment, Niall hated those shoes more than anything.

He threw one of them at the wall, and it just fell to the ground with a quiet thump.

It wasn’t enough.

He wanted to ruin the shoes.

So he picked them up and threw them again.

But they still landed on the floor unharmed.

He threw them again and again, but the shoes didn’t even scuff slightly.

“What the hell are you doing?”

Niall didn’t even pause at the sound of Zayn’s voice.

He just threw the shoes at the wall.

It felt kind of good, the motion of throwing something, and Niall didn’t even feel his arm beginning to ache or the wetness on his face.

He just wanted the shoes to rip and tear and break like he was.

“Nialler, those are your favorite shoes. What are you doing?”

Niall didn’t acknowledge Zayn’s use of his nickname, nor did he respond to the question, other than to throw the shoes at the wall again and again.

Finally, the shoe broke, the sole of the shoe falling right off from the constant beating.

It didn’t make Niall feel any better.

He picked up the shoe, looking at the rip in the material, and suddenly, all of the rage that had been simmering down came back full force, but this time, at Zayn.

He was just so angry because he cared about Zayn so much and Zayn didn’t care at all.

When he realized that Zayn was still standing there, stark naked, his blue eyes narrowed, and he gripped the shoe tighter in his hand.

Before he realized what he was doing, the green van was hurtling in the air toward the naked lad, heading directly toward its intended target.

Of course, Zayn sort of reacted, and it didn’t quite hit where Niall had wanted (his dick), and instead, whacked the dark-haired boy on the thigh.

“Ow, fuck, what was that for?” Zayn screeched, moving a hand to his leg and looking at Niall with wide eyes.

Niall didn’t care, and he just glared back.

He looked wild, in that moment, his blue eyes gleaming with anger, and blonde hair messy.

They locked eyes for a moment before Niall was bending over, picking up one of Zayn’s socks.

“You can have your damn socks back.”

Niall threw the sock.

“And your boxers.”

Niall threw the boxers.

“And your shirts.”

Niall picked up a pile of clothing, tossing it in Zayn’s direction, not even bothering to get the material close to the other lad.

“And your pillow.”

Niall threw the pillow, which was actually his, but Zayn had claimed it as his own, so it may as well have been Zayn’s.

“Take my bloody text books, too. I can’t even look at them anymore.”

He threw the books with even less effort and they barely even got a foot away from where he stood.

Niall’s eyes were bloodshot and his nose dripping with snot, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to care anymore, not when Zayn was just looking at him blankly.

He could vaguely hear someone moving around in the room beside them, but it barely even registered.

“Take it all,” Niall said, tossing another sock toward Zayn.

He just wanted to get away from it, from Zayn and the memories and just everything of which the apartment reminded him.

Niall saw how Zayn reached for him, hand extended, but he had already picked up the other green van and was toying with it in his hand.

“But you can never take my heart back.”

Niall threw the other shoe, this time hitting his target, and he stormed by Zayn, who had sunk to the floor, groaning and holding his groin.

~O~

When Niall returned to the apartment a couple hours later, Zayn wasn’t there, not that the blonde expected him to be.

There was, however, a plate of food on the table, clearly left for Niall.

If he had eaten the food, or done anything other than spare a short glance at the plate, he would have seen the piece of paper next to the glass, and read the two scribbled words.

 _I’m sorry_.

But Niall didn’t see the paper, nor did he eat the food, and instead, he just walked into his room, prepared to clean up the damage he had afflicted.

Except, his room was spotless.

It was as if he hadn’t even been in there.

The bed was made, his clothes were all hung up, and there wasn’t even dirty laundry on the floor.

The only evidence that he had thrown his hissy fit earlier was how his textbooks were sitting mangled on his desk, the pages arranged in a more orderly fashion, but still clearly torn.

And finally, he saw the box sitting on the middle of the bed.

He didn’t even know what to say, or do, because Zayn had clearly cleaned up, and really, Niall didn’t know why.

This whole mess was his fault, after all, a fact that Liam continued to remind him all night, when Niall had appeared on his doorstep, still crying slightly.

And it really was.

He hadn’t told Sean about Zayn and their relationship (in fact, he still hadn’t and Sean was coming home in five days), and he hadn’t told Zayn that Sean was coming home until it was too late.

So, yes, it was his fault and he was able to admit that.

Of course, it didn’t stop Niall from hurting at Zayn’s behavior, but he knew his own actions earlier were pretty unwarranted.

And now, as he opened the box that was sitting on his bed, and pulled out a brand new pair of green vans- in his exact size, nonetheless- he couldn’t help but regret what he had said to Zayn earlier.

Zayn had already taken Niall’s heart and Niall knew he wouldn’t be getting it back anytime soon.

~O~


	14. Chapter 13

“Hiya Nialler!” Sean’s voice echoed in Niall’s room from where it streamed out of Niall’s computer. They were three days away from Sean’s arrival home, and well, Niall decided to man up a little.

Zayn hadn’t been home in two days- since Niall’s temper tantrum/meltdown/when he essentially lost his shit and went crazy- and Niall decided that he needed to talk to Sean because, well, he wanted Zayn back.

He didn’t really even realize how much he wanted Zayn back when the other lad was there because Zayn was still there and even if he was acting like Niall didn’t exist, it was still Zayn and Niall was still able to look at him, and they still argued over stupid shit like they had before.

But with Zayn gone, the apartment had suddenly felt too quiet and too empty and Niall just wanted Zayn back, even if it meant dumb arguments and listening to the other lad fuck someone into oblivion.

He didn’t even care if it was he who was being fucked into oblivion (okay maybe he did but beside the point) because really he just wanted Zayn back.

He wanted to have Zayn’s dirty clothes mingle with his on the floor.

He wanted Zayn to cook him dinner when he was hungry.

He wanted Zayn to distract him while he tried to study.

He wanted Zayn to cuddle him and he wanted Zayn’s soft breath to lull him to sleep.

He also wanted Zayn to fuck him again, but really, that wasn’t the main reason he wanted Zayn home.

He just wanted Zayn home because somewhere amidst the sex and the blowjobs and handjobs he had kind of lost the Niall who didn’t consider Zayn a vital part of his life.

And yeah, he could admit that Zayn was a vital part of his life, and he felt as if a large part of him was missing without the dark-haired lad there.

Which was why he had asked Sean to skype.

“Hey Seanie,” Niall responded, and he smiled at his old friend, comforted that Sean still looked the same and hadn’t changed too much. It was almost as if his life had changed without Sean and he was worried that Sean would have changed just as much without him.

And maybe he had, but Niall couldn’t worry about that now, not when he needed to give Sean the news.

“How’s it going? Three days left now!”

Sean looked excited at the prospect of coming home, and Niall struggled to squash the guilt that bubbled up inside of him.

He had decided though, that he had this chance with Zayn, a chance to have someone special in his life, and if he gave it up now, he would never be able to forgive himself.

Surely Sean would understand that, right?

Sean, who had always lifted up Niall’s hopes by telling him that his princess would come one day?

And yeah, Zayn wasn’t his princess and who knows if they’ll even have the happy ever after that Niall imagined, but if he didn’t take this chance, then he wouldn’t know if Zayn could even be his Prince.

So he wanted to take the chance.

Sean, who could read him like a book, even over skype, was able to see that Niall wasn’t quite his usual, happy self.

“Nialler? What’s wrong?” Sean asked slowly, eyes narrowing to get a better look at his friend.

While Niall had at least showered before their skype date, it was still quite clear that he hadn’t been sleeping well, nor eating much, and Sean could obviously see this.

Niall toyed with his hands a bit, trying to remember the last time he felt this uncomfortable around Sean.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” Sean tried again, attempting to catch Niall’s eyes, although it was kind of futile as Niall’s blue orbs were trained on his hands, watching as his thin, pale fingers wove together.

They looked better contrasting with Zayn’s tan ones, though, and it was that thought that gave him the motivation to look up at Sean and finally speak.

“So, erm- I guess, well, there are a lot of things I haven’t told you, about the past few months, that is,” Niall started, and he was nervous, which in turn made Sean nervous, but nothing bad had happened yet, which calmed Niall’s nerves a little.

“That’s okay,” Sean granted with a nod. “You don’t have to tell me _everything_ , Nialler.”

Niall sighed because while Sean was speaking truth, this whole thing with Zayn was something he felt he should have told his friend. In fact, he should have told Louis and Harry, who were friends with Zayn as well.

If he thought about it, only Liam knew, and well, Zayn, but that was kind of a given when Zayn was the one fucking him and such.

Niall supposed it’d be a little odd if Zayn didn’t realize they had been fucking.

“Really, Nialler. I mean it. You don’t have to tell me every little detail of your life, yeah?”

Niall nodded in agreement, but he spoke anyway.

“But I should tell you the big details, yeah? You’re one of my best mates and I don’t like keeping stuff from you,” Niall said honestly, begging with his eyes for Sean to understand.

He kept speaking before Sean could interrupt though.

“So, basically, when you told me you were going to be gone for the semester, I needed a roommate, right? Zayn was the only one who came forward, and I was desperate. And like, yeah, we didn’t get along at all and he was a right twat for a while, but then, I guess, well, erm- wefuckedoneday.”

Niall paused to take a breath, and he had a hard time meeting Sean’s eyes, only this time out of embarrassment. He knew he didn’t have to be embarrassed that Zayn was a guy, especially given his history with Sean, but for some reason, admitting this part of his relationship with Zayn was more difficult than he thought it would be.

“Sorry, what was that last part? You mumbled a bit,” Sean asked, and he couldn’t have been joshing around or like pulling Niall’s leg because he was staring at Niall intently, and seemed genuinely lost as to what Niall had said.

So, Niall sighed, took a breath, and tried again.

“Wefuckedoneday.”

And Sean just stared at him.

Niall got a little worried that maybe he had broken his friend or something, but then Sean was coughing and spluttering and left the screen in search of a glass of water.

Oh lordy, what had he done.

Soon enough, though, Sean returned, a bottle of water in tow, and he seemed quite calmer, despite the red tint shading his cheeks.

“So, uhm, you and Zayn, uhm, okay. Okay,” Sean stuttered, but he didn’t seem too judgmental or anything, just a little surprised, or maybe a lot shocked.

Niall gave a tentative smile and ran a hand through his hair.

“Go on,” Sean urged, seeming more curious than anything now as he regarded Niall with wide eyes because he hadn’t ever seen his friend like this…like…ever.

Niall had always been kind of hopeless when it came to romance or anything regarding romantic or sexual relationships, and now, well, Sean could see that something was different about his friend.

“We got in a fight last week,” Niall let out, and it was a total relief, being able to tell Sean about Zayn and have Sean understand, but he hadn’t quite overcome the largest hurdle of the conversation, and he desperately needed to. So, he continued, “We got in a fight because I hadn’t told him that you were coming home yet, and like, I guess I was scared to tell him, and I hadn’t told you about him yet because I just hadn’t found the right time and didn’t know what I would even say. Like, ‘Hey, Seanie! You know the roommate who I hated? Well, we’re having sex and stuff and I think I really like him.’ I just- didn’t know how to tell you that, but we got in a fight, and he hasn’t been home in two days because I may have told him he needed to find a new place and then threw a temper tantrum at him, when all of this was my fault, but like, he’s my prince, Seanie. Or he could be. I dunno.”

Niall ended his rant by looking dejectedly at the keyboard, and he looked so sad and young and Sean wished he were home already so he could give the blonde a good cuddle like when they were younger.

And Sean understood exactly what Niall was trying to tell him because that’s how they were and a few months apart couldn’t change that.

“And you want to ask me to find another place, yeah?” Sean said softly, and Niall was so afraid because that was exactly what he wanted, but he didn’t want to hurt Sean, and wait, why the fuck was Sean smiling at him like that?

It was Niall’s turn to stare and cough and splutter, and he did all three until Sean burst out laughing at him.

“It’s not funny, Seanie!” Niall protested, but he couldn’t help laughing along because Sean wasn’t mad or hurt and that was probably the best thing that had happened in this entire situation.

He couldn’t lose Sean and Zayn all at once.

“Well, my lucky leprechaun, I have a plan and it will put neither me nor your sexy, douchey lover out of house and home.”

Niall groaned, Sean’s plans were never particularly great, but he was desperate, so he listened anyway.

~O~

Niall was attempting to cook a simple fry up- and failing miserably- when he heard the door jiggle a little, and then unlock and open. He figured it was Liam because Zayn hadn’t been home for too long, and to say he was shocked to find Zayn standing in the living room was definitely an understatement, and yet, there Zayn was, looking as pretty as ever in his favorite leather jacket.

“Ow, fuck, shit,” Niall turned away from Zayn to turn off the stove and shove his hand under cold water. He had accidentally let it drop onto the pan when he saw Zayn, and fuck if it didn’t hurt.

With his back turned, he missed the way Zayn moved to help him and stopped himself halfway to the kitchen.

Once his hand cooled off a little and he confirmed that he hadn’t burnt himself too, too bad, he went to the cabinet and put some healing crème and a bandage on it, just to be safe, all the while, ignoring Zayn’s presence.

It worked for a while, sort of, but Niall wasn’t very good at pretending and he was fully aware of Zayn just watching him.

He shoved his hands together in an attempt to hide the way they shook, and moved back to the stove, where his fry up lay limp and was still dribbling.

He really needed to learn how to cook, especially simple things like a freaking egg fry up.

He was going to be hopeless without Zayn.

As if Zayn read his mind, he coughed, alerting the blonde once more of his presence, and then, moved until he reached one of kitchen chairs.

“Niall,” Zayn began, and Niall flinched because Zayn’s voice sounded distant and different.

He found himself blinking unwanted tears that were completely unwarranted and he kept his back to Zayn.

Shouldn’t Zayn be in his position?

Zayn sighed, and began arranging the chairs and pushing them into their regular spots.

Niall hadn’t been very orderly in the past couple of days.

“Look, Niall,” Zayn started again, but he let his thought fall short and didn’t continue the sentence.

Niall still didn’t turn around.

He had lost his appetite suddenly, and moved to throw away the dribbling egg fry up in the trash.

It was almost as if Zayn wasn’t there, but he was, and Niall was so aware of him that it hurt deeply, cutting into his gut and sending shivers down his spine.

He clung to the counter in an attempt to balance himself as his legs shook and felt wobbly.

“I found another place,” Zayn said suddenly, and Niall turned at that, blue eyes wide and round and definitely filled with tears because-

“What?” Niall croaked, eyes glassy and cheeks heating up.

The room felt static, and the tension was palpable, at least on Niall’s end.

He could practically feel the hairs on his neck standing up in attention and he kind of wanted to sink in on himself.

“I found another place, so, like, you don’t have to worry or anything. I’ll pick up my stuff in a couple days,” Zayn shrugged nonchalantly, and then, he was walking out of the kitchen and out the door, gone, leaving Niall alone once more in their once-shared apartment.

Niall didn’t even get to try Sean’s plan, which was admittedly better than he had expected, and the flat had never felt as empty as it did in that moment.

~O~


	15. Chapter 14

Niall was kind of functioning, if functioning meant sitting on the couch dressed in actual clothing while blankly staring at the wall.

So, maybe he was barely functioning, but he couldn’t find the will power to get up and go do something, even simple things like showering, eating, or peeing.

It just took a lot of effort and sometimes, such as now, exerting that effort was just too much work.

He had been alone in the apartment for two days, only leaving to go to class, and he had avidly been avoiding everyone.

This didn’t mean that he wasn’t attached to his phone, though, because he always had the device clutched tightly in his hand, his knuckles turning white as he waited for a text that wouldn’t come.

He practically jumped with shock every time it vibrated, but was disappointed when the one message he so desperately wanted wouldn’t come.

And, to make things worse, Liam had taken to texting him a lot, which got his hopes up, only to have disappointment crash down and spread everywhere.

Obviously, he was waiting for Zayn to text him, but the dark-haired boy had cut contact completely since telling Niall he had found another place, so Niall knew he was waiting in vain.

However, it didn’t stop him from hoping that maybe Zayn felt the same way he did and would give in and text him.

So, imagine Niall’s surprise when Zayn’s name flashed on his phone screen, indicating a text message.

Flipping his phone open quickly, he read, holding his breath all the while.

[From: Zayn Malik (; 6:21 PM]

**I’m coming by to pick up my shit.**

And...that was it.

That was it?

“Ugh,” Niall groaned, flopping over on his stomach and shoving his face into the rough material until he could barely breathe, the air all warm and stuffy as it went down his throat.

He was in the state where he honestly had no idea how to feel.

He had all these emotions intertwining and mixing, but it was just hard to make sense of it all.

There was anger, both at himself for not telling Zayn sooner and at Zayn for overreacting.

There was sadness for losing Zayn, who had been one of the brightest points in his life so far, even if he hadn’t truly realized it at the time.

There was hope (like 0.0000000000001% of hope) that Zayn would come into the flat to “collect” his stuff, only to confess his undying love.

And then, there was that stupid, annoying, frustrating, tingly, warm feeling of extreme like, or fancying, or adoration- _or love_ \- for Zayn.

Maybe he should just stay on the couch for the rest of his life.

Honestly, Niall felt as if he could definitely do that.

The couch was comfortable, it was warm, and it didn’t ask for any feelings or just _anything_ in return.

Niall groaned again.

What was he even doing?

He didn’t move, though, not even when the key turned in the lock and he heard the door open and Zayn walk into the flat.

It was odd, how he could still feel Zayn’s burning gaze without even looking, but god did he feel the way Zayn’s dark eyes once-overed him.

Niall felt as if he were on fire under Zayn’s inspection.

Zayn coughed, “Erm, Niall?”

Niall didn’t respond, though, because really, what was he even supposed to say?

_“Hey, Zayn. I really like you.”_

_“Please don’t do this?”_

_“You’re a freaking prick, but I miss you anyway.”_

_“Stay with me?”_

No, Niall couldn’t say any of that.

He couldn’t even bring himself to try the plan Sean told him to do because he felt so goddamn stupid about it all.

Zayn obviously didn’t like him.

“I’m just going to get my stuff, then. I’ll leave the key on the table before I go,” Zayn continued after a long pause.

Niall heard him clomp his way to his room, and imagined Zayn would probably be wearing his tan, steel-toed construction boots that he wore all the time.

Zayn made several trips into his room and probably down to his car, if the constant opening and closing of the doors was any indicator.

After Zayn made about five trips and had gone back into his room, Niall was hit with a sudden urge to get up and run to the other lad, but it was as if he just couldn’t get his muscles to respond to his mind and he found himself glued to the couch.

He made it so that he was sitting up finally, staring at Zayn’s door, which was closed shut.

“I like you,” Niall murmured softly at the door, jumping when it swung open suddenly and replacing the white wood with Zayn, holding a box.

Niall’s blue eyes widened in surprise because shit he wasn’t sure if he could tell Zayn that, like telling Zayn’s door was one thing, but telling Zayn himself was an entirely different story.

“What was that?” Zayn asked, eyeing him suspiciously with his eyes narrowed tightly until Niall was practically squirming from where he sat on the couch.

The dark-haired boy looked as if he was about to smirk, but he caught himself and his mouth turned down into a frown instead.

“I- uhm- no- I- _nothing_ ,” Niall muttered, still looking at Zayn, who just stood there and stared back. When the blonde looked into the room behind Zayn, he could see that it was completely empty and bare, as if no one had been there.

Completely wiped of any and all memories.

With Niall’s eyes off of him, the dark-haired lad moved to the door, trying to walk quieter.

Niall could only think of how much would change now.

Zayn threw down his keys onto the table.

Maybe things would be better this way?

No memories, nothing visible.

It didn’t feel that way, though, because all Niall could think of is how he didn’t and couldn’t be without Zayn.

Much like he did when he first walked in, Zayn coughed.

“I- I guess this is-“ Zayn began, but he stopped himself and seemed to have a mental argument before looking Niall directly in the eyes.

The look Zayn gave him made Niall want to scream.

He could practically see his future ahead of him, the future with Zayn, filled with happiness and happy endings, the one he was about to lose.

It was well and truly over.

“Goodbye, Niall.”

The door closed behind Zayn and all that was left was the faint smell of his cologne.

It was all such a joke, to think that he could have finally found his happy ending or his ‘prince’ or whatever that bullshit was.

Such a complete, utter fucking joke, and he just felt like giving up.

Or perhaps, he felt like drinking.

Okay, he definitely felt like drinking.

And now, with that decision made, it seemed as if his body was completely okay with responding, and he felt his feet carrying his body to the kitchen, where he immediately grabbed the dubbed ‘special occasion’ bottle of rum.

It was called this because it was the strongest, most potent alcohol he owned.

He didn’t even bother getting a shot glass or a cup because, if he were being honest with himself, there was only like a quarter of the bottle left (closer to a half than to empty) and he really wanted to get completely shitfaced.

So, his solution was to just drink straight from the bottle.

The liquid burned as it slid down his throat, but not as bad as Zayn’s gaze burned.

Niall was sure if anything would even burn as bad as Zayn’s gaze burned.

He just wanted to forget but Zayn was everywhere and was flying around his head and flying around the apartment.

He could see Zayn’s hair painted on the walls and Zayn’s fingerprints in the kitchen.

He drank more.

And more.

And more.

And more until the bottle was empty and he stumbled to the trash and threw it out before making his way to the couch.

He really could live on the couch.

Even with the alcohol numbing his thoughts, Zayn was fighting his way to the haze and Niall couldn’t get him out of his brain.

It was as if the alcohol was just fueling the fire Zayn burned into him and it was growing and growing out of control, flickering and licking at his skin and veins until he had no choice.

He just needed to tell Zayn.

If he were sober, he probably wouldn’t have had the courage to do it.

He wouldn’t even have thought about it for more than one second before riding it off as a completely stupid and idiotic idea.

But, well, the ‘special occasion’ rum was running hot through his veins and he just needed to tell Zayn.

He picked up his phone, dialing the number he knew by heart and waiting as it rung and rung and rung.

And when Zayn didn’t pick up, well, there was only one thing he could do, right?

So, he left a message.

“Zayn, Zee, Zayner. Fuck. I can’t- I can’t even like, find the words to say right now. I just, I’ve been, like, burning. Yeah. I’m burning. You burnt me, did you know that? When you came by today, you just looked at me and set me on fire. And it- it fucking _hurts_. Like I can feel the fire on my skin and it’s in my blood and in my head and in my heart and in my toes and fingers and it’s so goddam hot. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I hate you for walking out that door, but I can’t really hate you because I think you might be my prince and how can you hate your happy ever after? I just- I want you back home. Yeah, I want you home. Home with me. Because home isn’t without me, or wait- no- home isn’t without you. And I- fuck- what am I even doing?”

Niall ended the call suddenly as he realized how stupid he was being.

What was he even thinking?

Zayn didn’t want anything to do with him?

Didn’t this afternoon make that clear enough?

Niall hit himself on the head with a loud _smack_ and he didn’t even feel it as his forehead grew red in the shape of a handprint because someone was knocking on the door and he was jumping to his feet because was it possible that Zayn got his message and had come back?

He ran to the door (more like stumbled because he seriously couldn’t walk in a straight line at this point even if he tried his hardest) and threw it open.

“Oh, it’s you,” Niall slumped his shoulders as he met the eyes of his best friend, who he hadn’t seen in a couple months, but wasn’t exactly the person he wanted to see at this moment.

“Well, hiya to you, Nialler. I’ve missed you so much, too! Thank you for the warm welcome,” Sean replied sarcastically, eyeing him suspiciously before leaning forward and sniffing the air. “Been drinking without me, huh?”

Sean dropped the bag in his hand and propped the door open with it, stepping forward and grabbing Niall by the arm as he swayed a bit on his feet.

Niall barely registered as Sean led him into his room and pushed him on the bed, pulling the covers around his body tightly.

He did recall, though, that his phone was still in his hand and that Zayn hadn’t called back yet.

“We’ll talk tomorrow, yeah?” Sean whispered softly, pressing a kiss to Niall’s cheek and running a hand through his blonde hair.

“He didn’t answer,” Niall muttered before turning his head and promptly falling asleep.

*

Niall woke up, head pounding and tongue feeling like sand paper, and his phone was ringing loudly, the vibrations pulsing against his bedside table obnoxiously.

He didn’t remember even getting in bed.

“’Lo,” Niall grumbled, his voice rough and throat scratchy as he tried to cough the sleep out of it. Why was he even awake?

He remembered bits and pieces of the night before, but mainly, he recalled the message he left for Zayn.

How embarrassing.

The phone line was silent for a while, and Niall almost hung up, but he could hear someone on the other line, breathing, which was kind of creepy, but his hungover mind didn’t really register that.

And then, “Did you mean it?”

~O~


	16. Chapter 15

_Niall woke up, head pounding and tongue feeling like sand paper, and his phone was ringing loudly, the vibrations pulsing against his bedside table obnoxiously._

_He didn’t remember even getting in bed._

_“’Lo,” Niall grumbled, his voice rough and throat scratchy as he tried to cough the sleep out of it. Why was he even awake?_

_He remembered bits and pieces of the night before, but mainly, he recalled Zayn’s rejection and all of the messages he left for the other lad._

_How embarrassing._

_The phone line was silent for a while, and Niall almost hung up, but he could hear someone on the other line, breathing, which was kind of creepy, but his hungover mind didn’t really register that._

_And then, “Did you mean it?”_

Niall didn’t hesitate with his answer.

“Yes.”

“Let me in then, tosser. I don’t have a key anymore.”

Niall jumped out of bed, head spinning as he moved too quickly, and he threw on some clothes as fast as he could before gulping down a glass of water that sat on his bedside table (courtesy of Sean), along with an Advil.

He couldn’t even believe that this was actually happening and had to pinch himself to make sure he was awake and not dreaming.

After a full minute of aimlessly standing in his room while pinching himself, Niall realized that Zayn had told him to let him inside, which meant…holy shit, Zayn was here?

Niall stumbled to the front door, throwing it open as if scared Zayn would have left, and he let out a great heaving sigh when he saw that Zayn was, in fact, standing there still.

And then, he stared.

He just stared at Zayn as if it were the first time ever seeing him, and he took in every aspect of the dark-haired lad’s appearance, from his still-present steel-toed construction boots to the peak of his sculpted cheekbones.

“Nialler?” Zayn asked tentatively, looking at the blonde with questioning eyes, and Niall thought for a moment that Zayn was studying him just as intently, but then, “What happened to your forehead?”

Niall stood there dumbstruck because he didn’t think anything happened to his forehead, or at least he didn’t notice anything different?

“Nothing?” Niall questioned backed, confusion evident as he did a little smirk/sneer/headshake and tilted his head to the side so that he looked like a golden lab puppy trying to find the ball that was right in front of it.

Zayn raised his eyebrows, and grabbed Niall by the wrist, tugging him into the apartment and holy shit, Zayn was touching him voluntarily and what in the world did Niall do to get this sort of reaction?

Niall stumbled into the bathroom after the dark-haired lad and followed Zayn’s eyes to look into the mirror, and oh lord, no, what in the world, how was this his life?

“Did someone hurt you?” Zayn asked seriously, his voice low and almost dangerous, making Niall think that maybe he actually could hold up his ‘badboy’ persona.

So, Niall just laughed because seriously? He hadn’t even left the flat for more than ten minutes in the past five days, which if he thought about it was really quite sad, and there was no way he could have gotten in an actual fight because let’s face it, he’d run away if he were caught in that type of situation.

Zayn was now looking at him like he had three heads or some shit and he tried to calm himself down, only to erupt in another fit of laughter.

“Are you okay?” Zayn’s voice was a little louder as he spoke this time and he set a hand on the blonde’s shoulder, trying to halt his incessant laughing, which was actually kind of terrifying because he was like laughing, but looked extremely pained at the same time.

When Niall calmed down enough, he took a deep breath and met Zayn’s brown eyes, which were looking at him worriedly.

“I didn’t get in a fight,” Niall finally replied, not really wanting to explain because honestly, the voicemail was embarrassing enough and he really didn’t want to dig himself deeper into his pit of shame.

“Then, what happened?” Zayn interrogated exasperatedly, retracting his hand from where it was on Niall’s shoulder, leaving a cold spot.

Niall just blushed and shook his head.

“It isn’t important,” he replied earnestly, hoping that Zayn would just drop it.

What was he even doing here anyway?

Niall was about to ask, but Zayn interrupted, questioning him again.

“Nialler, you have a red print in the shape of a hand and you expect me to just drop it?”

Zayn sighed heavily, shaking his head and if his hair hadn’t had so much gel in it, his quiff probably would have shook all over the place, but it seemed as if the dark-haired boy had emptied an entire bottle of gel, so his hair didn’t move at all.

It was sort of fascinating, really.

“It’s really nothing exciting,” Niall mumbled, bringing a hand to his forehead and rubbing the red skin softly, wincing.

“Well, then, why can’t you just tell me?” Zayn demanded, removing Niall’s hand so that they were looking right into each other’s eyes and Niall could see something akin to annoyance bubbling in Zayn’s brown orbs.

“S’embarrassing, all right?” Niall snapped, and shit, no, this wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. They were going to make up and live happily ever after together and this, this was definitely not how it was supposed to start.

Zayn stared at him for a moment, seemingly inspecting the rest of his body for signs of a fight, and then, as if a light bulb went off in his head, he began to smirk slowly.

Zayn took a step forward and Niall took a step back until his back was against the sink.

The dark-haired lad looked predatory.

“Nialler,” Zayn murmured, leaning in as if he was about to kiss the blonde and Niall could taste the mint on Zayn’s breath. “Did you...” Zayn paused, moving as if to kiss him, but he swooped to the side at the last minute and bit Niall’s earlobe instead before finishing the sentence, “…slap yourself?”

Niall froze against Zayn and that was all it took to have the other lad laughing loudly, bending over and clutching his stomach.

“I- I can’t even-“ Zayn spluttered in between laughs, trying to keep a straight face and utterly failing, while Niall looked on, beet red and trying to figure out how this was actually his life.

He sighed when Zayn collapsed to the floor.

All he wanted to do was tell Zayn how he actually felt, maybe get rejected, but hopefully have Zayn admit his own feelings, and then, go on with their lives and be perfect little…okay, he had no idea where that train of thought was going because he could have sworn he was about to think ‘princesses,’ but there was actually no way in hell he, or Zayn could be princesses, much less perfect little princesses.

Although….Zayn in a princess costume would be quite hilarious…

“Niall?” Zayn was suddenly peering up at him, and when the fuck did Zayn get below him like that?

Niall raised his eyebrows, feeling as if the situation had somehow reversed from a couple minutes previous.

“Yes?”

Zayn gazed at him, contemplating his next words for eons (it was actually only about fifteen seconds) before pinching his eyes shut, as if he couldn’t physically speak with them open.

“Did you mean it?” Zayn asked, and his voice was so soft, so quiet, so unsure that all Niall could think about was how much he wanted to hold the dark-haired lad boy close and tell him everything would be all right.

And while he already answered the question earlier when they were on the phone, it was somehow so much bigger right now, right here, as Zayn lay on the floor of the bathroom and Niall leaned against the sink.

“Yes,” Niall breathed out, and Zayn’s eyes snapped open and his face erupted in a wide grin before he scrambled to his feet.

Niall expected a hug or maybe a kiss, but Zayn did neither and only took his hand and pulled him to the couch.

It was weirdly unromantic, but Zayn sat down and pulled Niall onto his lap, not seeming to care about the facts or actions of the scene.

Niall nuzzled his head into the crook of Zayn’s neck and pressed a soft kiss to the skin, enjoying the familiarity and comforting smell.

He immediately sat back, though, struck with the thought that he should do what he should have done a week ago.

“Zayn?” and Niall couldn’t believe he was about to do this because he was Niall Horan and he straight and he liked girls but this was Zayn he was talking to.

Zayn nodded and stilled under Niall’s body.

"I just-I-" Niall grabbed Zayn’s hand and stopped it from sneaking up his shirt because lord knows if Zayn’s hand went up his shirt he wouldn’t be able to ask this, much less think straight (no pun intended).

"Will you move in with me?"

He didn't realize how stupid it sounded until he said it out loud but then it was too late to take the question back and Zayn was smiling and laughing at him and wait- Zayn was smiling and laughing at him?

"I thought we already tried that, babe? Plus, there’s nowhere for me to stay."

Niall didn't know what to say because he remembered that Zayn was actually properly speaking to him for the first time in days and that alone was kind of blowing his mind but he needed Zayn to say yes.

So he explained sheepishly next, "Like share-a-room move in." 

"Are you trying to pull me, Horan?"

Niall half-nodded because yeah, he kind of was and this territory was foreign for him because he hadn't done this with a guy before, or anyone for that matter.

"Is this your way of trying to get me back in your bed?"

Niall turned red at that and of course Zayn was lifting his hips up so that their groins rubbed together and smirking, but it was a calming smirk and didn’t make his blood boil, no, it made him sure that everything was going to be all right.

So he retorted, "Fuck yes it's my way of getting you in my bed, Malik. Don't want you in anyone else's.”

Zayn leaned in so that their noses were touching and kissed Niall roughly.

“That’s what I like to hear,” Zayn murmured against Niall’s lips.

They lost themselves in the feeling for a few moments, reacquainting themselves with one another and the feel of their bodies pressed together.

It was magical and it was sweet and it was passionate and it definitely felt like a happily ever after.

Zayn pulled back and looked Niall in the eyes, chocolate brown locked with cerulean blue.

“Oh, by the way, I’d love to move in with you,” he paused.

And then, “Home isn’t without you, either.”

~O~

 


	17. Epilogue

“So, you’re the boyfriend who I’ve been replaced with,” Sean remarked casually as he took a seat at the kitchen table, eyes unreadable and lips in a tight line.

Zayn looked up from where he stood in front of the stove before turning back to the egg fry up he was currently cooking.

He was perfectly aware that he was basically naked except for the apron covering his…well, certain parts, and he could feel a blush creep up on his neck, but didn’t feel like succumbing to the embarrassment.

Instead, he wiggled his butt cheeks at Niall’s best friend and turned his head back around to give Sean a little smirk- trademark, of course.

“Yupp, that’s me,” he replied casually, flipping the eggs one last time and pulling out three plates, adding an extra for Sean.

They could hear Niall singing loudly in the shower- Justin Bieber, _obviously_ \- and Zayn was a little surprised to see Sean there.

After Zayn and Niall made up earlier that morning they had made quick work of moving him back in, and well, having make-up sex, and neither had seen sight of Sean all day or night, not that Zayn was complaining.

“You hungry?” he asked, but it was kind of a rhetorical question because he was already sliding a plate full of steaming eggs toward the other lad as he sat down across from his new roommate.

Sean ate in silence for the most part, but as soon as Niall stopped singing and shut the shower off he immediately set his fork down loudly, picking up his now empty plate and standing up with a loud screech of his chair.

“You hurt him, I’ll cut off your dick and balls and mutilate them,” Sean hissed into Zayn’s ear as he walked by.

Zayn continued eating as Sean cleaned his plate and fork, placing them in the dishwasher, only wincing when the lad walked by with a glare.

Niall entered the kitchen right as Sean was leaving, and raised his eyebrows at the tension palpable.

“Everything okay in here?” The blonde asked, kind of oblivious to the glare Sean was giving his boyfriend in warning.

Zayn nodded, and squeaked, “Course,” his voice uncharacteristically high.

Niall didn’t seem convinced but he sat down and started shoveling food into his face before looking at Sean.

“And you?”

Sean just nodded, “Tell your boyfriend to put some more clothes on in the future. I don’t want to see his arse cheeks anymore.”

Niall laughed and called after Sean’s retreating figure.

“But they’re such cute arse cheeks, Seaniekins!”

~O~

“It’s celebration time!” Louis yelled as he bounced through the door, adding a little extra spin in his Tomlinson way. Harry trailed in behind him with a little smile at his boyfriend’s antics, holding a cheap bottle of vodka.

Niall raised his eyebrows at the quality of alcohol, and Harry just shrugged.

“We’re still poor college students, Nialler, and Sean said you knocked out the rest of the good stuff, so…hooray to cheap alcohol!”

Zayn waltzed in at that moment, raising a cup at Harry’s shout.

“I’ll drink to that,” Zayn murmured, slipping an arm around Niall’s waist and pressing their bodies together before chugging the entire contents of his cup, which was three quarters of the way filled.

Louis froze.

Harry almost dropped the bottle of vodka.

Niall just laughed.

“Mmm, yeah. So tasty,” Zayn wiggled his eyebrows and smacked a sloppy kiss to Niall’s lips. “What?”

“Did you just-“

“Wasn’t that-“

“Doesn’t it burn?”

“How did you even-“

Niall cackled loudly, “Relax you two before you give yourselves hernias or something.”

“But he just-“

“Gulped down-“

“An entire cup-“

“Of rum!”

Louis and Harry looked at each other incredulously.

Zayn shrugged and pulled Niall closer, leaning in to whisper in his boyfriend’s ear,” I don’t think they realize it’s just a Snapple Iced Tea, but let’s keep it that way. It adds to the badass image, don’tcha think?”

Niall giggled into Zayn’s shoulder, inhaling his comforting scent.

“Course, babe.”

*

“Niall…what are these…?” Louis demanded, waving Niall’s phone in front of the blonde’s face so fast that it was impossible to know what he was talking about.

Harry and Liam continued talking, ignoring Louis.

“What are what?” Niall mumbled around a mouthful of cookies, shoving another bite into his mouth mid-bite.

Zayn reached over to brush a crumb off of his face, looking slightly amused and partially disgusted as he watched Niall chew.

“Did you guys send each other nudes?” Louis exclaimed, flicking through the screen, and Niall jumped up, almost spitting out the food in his mouth as he snatched his phone from Louis’ outstretched hand.

Harry and Liam stopped their conversation and looked over at the unfolding scene.

Zayn was blushing profusely, an uncommon occurrence, while Niall was looking at his phone in shock before locking it and shoving it inside his pants.

“Well, did you?” Harry questioned curiously, his jade eyes sparkling while Louis just sunk to the floor in shock- or disgust.

Zayn rounded his gaze on Niall.

“You said you wouldn’t save those or let anyone see them!” he glared, and Niall cowered a little under his boyfriend’s harsh eyes. But then, Zayn smiled a little with his eyes before turning his mouth down in a dramatic pout and throwing up his hands, “Now they’ll never believe my badboy image!”

Niall almost managed to keep it together, but seeing Zayn wail and throw a fake tantrum was too much and he erupted in laughter.

Both Zayn and Niall giggled until they were leaning on each other for support and when they finally straightened up, Louis just looked at them.

“No, but seriously, were those nudes?”

Sean, who had just come home from a class, chose to enter the apartment just as Louis spoke, and groaned as he heard the question.

~O~

The boys had finally gone, leaving Sean, Zayn, and Niall alone in their apartment.

“We’re uhm-“ Niall jabbed his thumb in the direction of his and Zayn’s bedroom, blushing with the implications.

Sean sighed heavily and nodded understandingly.

“Just don’t be too loud, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Niall couldn’t get out of the room fast enough and tugged Zayn to their bedroom.

Zayn shut the door behind them quietly, holding the blonde’s hand in his own.

He coughed as if to clear his mind, and Niall looked up immediately.

“So, erm, with this new living situations…” Zayn began, and Niall flinched a little at the all-too-familiar smirk and glint in his eyes. “I wrote up a contract and, well, there’s a long list of rules you’re going to need to follow if you want any chance at this working.”

Niall’s mouth dropped at Zayn’s words and his mind raced as he tried to decipher what his boyfriend was saying.

“Are you- are you seriously pulling a Fifty Shades of Grey, Zayn?” Niall deadpanned, but he was kind of completely serious and really hoping Zayn was joking.

Zayn’s smirk broadened into a wide smile as he brought his un-held hand out from behind his back.

“I have handcuffs?” Zayn wiggled his eyebrows and Niall would have been lying if he said he wasn’t extremely turned on by the shiny handcuffs in Zayn’s hands.

Not that he would ever tell Zayn that, although his semi was probably somewhat of an indicator.

“No, no,” Niall muttered. “This is definitely Fifty Shades of Gay.”

~O~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii! Thanks so much for reading! I'm also on Tumblr ( tunein-mymind.tumblr.com) if you have any questions or comments! (: .xx


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